Choices
by Mrnickmiller
Summary: Nick had moved in with Caroline as is determined to grow up and make a go of it until his nerve is tested when Jess embarks on a new relationship. Set after season one.
1. Chapter 1

When Nick made a decision about something he stuck to it, he was stubborn like that. When he decided he wanted to move to L.A he moved to L.A, when he decided he wanted to quit law school, he quit law school, when he decided he wanted to drink a beer at 10am, he drank a beer at 10am. But now something had shifted, he had made the choice to move in with Caroline but he was lacking the conviction which usually accompanied his stubborness. Something was affecting his nerve and making him doubt himself. The thing is there was only one thing that was notably different in his life since he had last lived with Caroline, one variable. Jess.

As much as he fought it and fought her, the truth was she got into his head like nobody else had ever done before, she made him think, evaluate, consider the future, consider himself and what he wanted and more importantly what he was worth. But it didn't always mean she was right! That's what he was telling himself as he watched the car pull away leaving him alone on the curb side outside his new apartment. The way she had looked at him bothered him, she looked sad but she looked more disappointed. He hadn't disappointed her, to disappoint her he would have to be doing something foolish, something wrong and this wasn't wrong. It wasn't.

Jess knew he was still standing there at the side of the road but she couldn't bring herself to look back. She wanted him to be happy, she did, but no matter what she had told him the night before, deep down she knew he wasn't going to be happy and the thought made her stomach drop. He deserved so much more why couldn't he see that? The car was filled with the silence of four people who had been forced to resign to a situation that not one among them was happy about. This was a change that none of them had asked for and none of them wanted.

As Nick finally lost the car out of view he turned and looked up at his building squinting in the L.A sun. This was it, a new start for him, he was going to become a grown up and do everything a guy his age should be doing. He was going to be happy. Nick repeated that thought like a mantra in his head as he turned one last time to look for the car full of warmth and familiarity that was no longer there. This time Jess was wrong.

Trying to block out the snippets of conversations he'd had with his friends about the mistakes he was making and the slight jelly feeling settling into his legs, Nick took a deep breath and entered the apartment where he was met by Caroline who had started to unpack all her stuff into the kitchen smiled at him warmly and he felt himself starting to relax.

He was honest with Caroline, he told her he had gotten cold feet and had freaked out a little bit, but he had talked her round and she found his honesty endearing. She had reassured him and stroked his cheek and he had smiled and kissed her and they had made love, starting as they meant to go on.

Later that night Caroline lay asleep on his chest following the christening of their new apartment on a mattress in the middle of the living room floor. She had drifted off instantly while he lay awake stroking her arm and staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. On paper this was the picture of perfection, it was what he had wanted ever since they had broken up and now all the pieces should be fitting back together - but there was one piece missing, one piece that Nick couldn't get his mind off of. Every time he closed his eyes he kept replaying their conversation in the desert, remembering what she had said and the way she had looked at him, so he kept his eyes open. He focused on reality, his reality as it now was, here with Caroline. He hadn't let any of his other friends get into his head so why should Jess be any different?

* * *

Jess lay awake trying hard to ignore the lump in her throat that she hadn't been able to get rid of since their awkward goodbye at his apartment. She wanted to be mad at him but she had left that to Schmidt, the truth was all she felt was complete sadness, she missed her friend.

Her friendship with Nick had always been different to the other guys, to any guy in fact. She had always been able to wander across to his room when she couldn't sleep and they would just sit together and watch old movies on his laptop. Yeah she would miss that.

She felt like she wanted to cry but why? She would still see him, they would still be friends, wouldn't they? She knew what it could be like when people got into serious relationships, especially when they lived together and she had only known Nick for a little over a year. With the saddening though that their friendship could wane under the pressure of his relationship with Caroline, Jess allowed her tears to fall.

Eventually both Nick and Jess closed their eyes in acceptance of the same thought. Everything was going to change.


	2. Chapter 2

Jess climbed the stairs to Nick's new apartment clutching a bottle of wine with a spotted ribbon tied round the neck of the bottle. She hadn't quite got used to calling 'their' apartment yet, it still didn't sit all that comfortably with her. She hadn't seen him much over the past couple of weeks, he was taking time to get settled in she supposed. She had only seen him at the bar which in a way she kind of liked, it was familiar and she could pretend for a couple of hours that nothing had changed. That was until she had to say goodbye to him at the end of the evening rather than a simple goodnight at she crossed the hall.

Truth be told she hated these types of apartment blocks, they were so cold with no character. In fact she wasn't a big fan of this whole neighbourhood, it lacked soul, it was all food chains and shopping franchises, there was no individuality. She never imagined Nick in a place like this. She always saw him in a cozy loft above the bar that she knew he would one day own, somewhere full of books with sloping ceilings and old leather chairs. She sighed and tried to plaster a smile on her face as they reached his front door, she could tell that Schmidt and Winston were no more enamoured by being here than she was but Nick was their friend and they had to support him. Nick answered the door with a smile on his face which they had to admit seemed genuine.

"Hey, they you are, now it's a party." Nick almost yelled, but as they scanned the room it seemed like anything but. The room was full of a bunch of sedate looking strangers that they guessed were Caroline's friends.

"Hey man, the place looks great." Winston offered as a formality to which Schmidt and Jess nodded and mumbled in agreement.

As Caroline appeared Nick pulled her into a hug without his smile cracking. Jess had never seen him smile this much, she wondered whether or not it was real but shrugged it off as she handed Caroline the bottle of wine. She watched as Caroline pulled the ribbon off nonchalantly and threw it in the trash under the table as she placed the wine with all the other drinks. Winston placed a hand on the small of Jess' back and smiled at her, apparently the action didn't go unnoticed by him either. They made their way over to the window as Caroline disappeared over to another group of friends. As Jess passed through the apartment she looked around and she could see nothing of Nick, none of his stuff was anywhere, everything was beige or eggshell and there seemed to be wicker hearts hanging from various places all over the room. She considered the irony of that and then chided herself for being bitchy.

Nick followed behind them clutching a hand full of beers which he placed down on the table for them, quickly placing coasters underneath. As Jess, Schmidt and Winston glanced at one another they said nothing and waited for Nick to start the conversation so they could follow his lead.

"So it great to finally have you guys come see the place, we wanted to do this last week but there were still boxes everywhere and Caroline didn't want everyone to see it looking like that so..."

After a brief uncomfortable silence they could always count on Schmidt to pipe up.

"Well the view is mediocre and the decor is a little beigey for my taste, but if we're measuring on a Nick Miller scale this isn't bad." That was the best Schmidt could offer as he looked around judgmentally. Nick was actually glad he was being somewhat normal and with that they started to sink into a more comfortable conversation.

"So second time around...how's it going with Caroline." Winston asked tentatively, someone had to and it was probably best it was him.

"It's great, it's uh...yeah it great." Nick hunched his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets nodding his head repeatedly as he spoke. "You know we're just taking it slow and seeing how it goes."

Taking it slow? Jess sneered in her head. This was the opposite of taking it slow but she kept quiet as she allowed Nick to continue.

"It's great that we've got straight back to being so comfortable with each other you know...we can just pick up where we left of...well not exactly where we left off but you know what I mean." Nick aimed his conversation at Schmidt and Winston as they quizzed him but he kept stealing glances at Jess who had been very quiet, uncharacteristically so. This wasn't like her an it made him uneasy, he knew she wasn't the biggest fan of him moving back in with Caroline but he thought they had gotten over that hurdle. He had always been able to read Jess but not tonight, so he made a move to force the issue.

"So Jess...what do you think?"

She cleared her throat taken aback by his direct approach. "It's nice...it's uh...it's cozy and um...clean."

"Well I guess you know I can't take credit for the clean part." He laughed off nervously. He tried to keep her gaze but she kept looking down at the floor. Why was it so weird between them? Just as Nick opened his mouth to speak to her again Caroline called him over as some more guests he didn't know turned up at the front door. He looked quickly back at Jess but she had already turned her back and re-engaged in conversation with the guys.

As the night rolled on it had become clear that the majority of the alcohol on offer had been consumed by Schmidt, Winston and Jess, other guests had either left early to go home to their kids or had switched to coffee after failing to get remotely intoxicated in the first place. As Nick and Caroline saw more and more people out the door and Caroline became locked in conversation with her newly engaged best friend, who never approved of Nick incidentally, Nick stole the chance to go back over to the guys who were laughing fairly raucously now.

"Hey guys, what's so funny?"

"Oh we were just laughing about the girl Winston brought home last weekend."

"Ok, ok so she took of a bit of shine to Jess...it's no big deal...I still managed to close the deal first didn't I?"

"What? She was into you Jess?" Nick tried to join in with a hopeful tone.

"Yeah well you know, it is what it is." Jess joked gesturing up and down her body with her hands.

Nick missed this. A lot. but he kept that to himself as he carried on laughing and joking with them.

A while later as Winston passed out on the couch and Schmidt had engaged himself in an extremely drunken phonecall with Cece, Nick sat alone with Jess. Nick could feel the alcohol taking effect on him now and the firm bite on his tongue was slackening. Jess had talked and laughed with him like old times but there was sadness in her eyes. After a long pause between them he found himself once again staring intently at her.

"Jess, we're ok right?"

Jess met his gaze "Yeah of course we are."

Another silence.

"Nick...you are happy...aren't you?" Jess spoke tentatively, searching his eyes as she spoke.

Nick inhaled sharply and opened his mouth to speak when he felt two hands press reasonably firmly down on his shoulders.

"Hey what are you guys talking about?" Caroline chipped in knowing all too well this was a conversation she shouldn't be interrupting.

"Oh you know, just reminiscing about old times in the loft." Nick smiled and stroked the hand resting on his shoulder. Caroline swung herself around so she was sitting on Nick's lap, her legs coming in between Nick and Jess' knees which had been touching without them even realising. Jess leaned back in her chair as she offered a half smile to Caroline and exchanged awkward glances with Nick who didn't looking entirely comfortable with the situation.

"Well it's late, I guess I should attempt to get those boys home to their beds." Jess gestured towards Winston and Schmidt as she rose out of her chair throwing her purse over her shoulder. "Thank you for inviting me Caroline, this place is lovely, you've done a great job."

"Thanks, we should get together for a drink or something and get to know each other a little better don't you think?" Caroline suggested insincerely as she had already turned her attention to some other guests.

"Sure, why not." Jess agreed and made a start for the door picking up and ushering out the other guys. As she pushed them through the door frame which they had both attempted to fall asleep on standing up, she turned to Nick who was standing behind her resting his hand high on the door.

"So...it was nice to see you." Jess said quietly as their gaze suddenly locked again.

Nick nodded not quite finding any words.

"I'll see ya." Jess said breathily and with that she stood on her tiptoes to plant a small kiss on Nick's cheek which caught him by surprise. His face suddenly went hot and his pulse started racing as he rested his hand on her hip and kissed her back on the opposite cheek.

"See ya." he choked out quietly.

As she turned he stared at her back as she disappeared down the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Michael sat opposite them expectantly after answering all of their questions. Yeah they seemed a little strange and the questions had been a little unorthadox but he liked them, he had a good feeling. He slowly sipped his water as they disappeared to what he guessed was the bathroom to have a private discussion. He took that time to take a little look around the loft, he liked it, he could definitely see himself living here. The guys were cool and it definitely didn't hurt that the brunette was so hot. As he heard their footsteps return down the hallway he took his seat again and turned to smile at them. As they sat down lined up on the sofa the brunette smiled at him. Oh yeah, he had nailed it.

"So we'd love you to move in if you're still interested." Jess spoke softly to make him feel comfortable. She liked him, he had a nice face. Smiling eyes, light brown wavy hair and dimples that could have been stolen from a five year old. He was handsome in a boyish way.

"Great, yeah that's great - ahhh when is good?"

"Well the room is free right away soooo tomorrow is good if that's not too soon?"

"Tomorrow's perfect, I'll go home and start loading up my stuff."

"Welcome to the den man." Winston slurred cooly as he shook his hand with a wry smile.

Schmidt who was still feeling sore and bitter over Nick's departure also mustered a smile-free handshake as he puffed out his chest and casually avoided direct eye contact but for him that was progress. He did actually like the look of Michael he was just trying to affirm himself as the alpha male of the loft from the outset so there were no misunderstandings.

They had been putting off getting a new roomate for a month in the vain hope that Nick would change his mind and come back, but when it became obvious that wasn't going to happen they had gone back to their old friend Craigslist. Schmidt and Winston had been surprisingly helpful in producing the advertisement. After all they had found Jess that way and although they would never admit it she had become one of their best friends and they couldn't imagine her not being around. So they had tried to go into this with an open mind and Michael felt like the right choice

It was Saturday so all three of them had been able to give Michael a hand with his stuff. To be honest there wasn't that much of it, just about enough to fill his room at which Schmidt breathed a sigh of relief. When Michael's room was finally a sky high mass of cardboard boxes they all sat on his bed to take a breather.

"Hey do you want me to help you start unpacking. I mean it's your stuff so I don't want to get in your way but..." Jess offered shyly.

"Actually I think that's enough for one day why don't we all go out and grab a beer maybe get to know each other a little better?"

"Yesss" Winston cheered enthused about getting to know Michael but also at the imminent prospect of beer. He was followed in swift agreement by Schmidt who was busy assessing any potential callusing of the hands.

"Actually we could go to Clyde's you could meet our friend Nick, he works there." Jess suggested excitedly.

* * *

"That's what your wearing?" Caroline snickered as she eyed Nick's outfit.

"What do you mean?" Nick looked down at his attire. "I'm just going to work...in a dirty, beer soaked bar I might add...what difference does it make?"

"Nothing I guess" She jumped up and put her hands around his neck smoothing down his collar. "Maybe I could take you shopping tomorrow we could get you some new stuff."

Nick screwed his face and raised the corner of his mouth. "I guess we could."

"We don't have to, I just think you could look nice if we got you in something a little more...you know...smart."

"Ok" Nick replied questioningly. "Whatever you want...look I gotta go I'll see you later tonight." He kissed her and turned on his heels.

"See ya" she smiled. "Oh Nick remember to take a shower before you get into bed tonight ok...those sheets were expensive and the beer smell gets all over them."

"Sure...ok...see ya." Nick stepped outside the door and rubbed his face. This was all still new, it had only been a month and it was just the awkwardness of this transitional period. This happened to everyone - Nick was sure of it. Caroline made him happy, it was nice to come home to someone and curl up on the sofa every night and talk about their day. This was what a relationship was supposed to be like.

* * *

The bar was pretty quiet for a Saturday as Nick stood cleaning glasses and listening to the anecdotes of the regulars. He was glad of nights like this, it gave him time to himself, time to think. His trail of thought was suddenly interrupted by the sound of familiar voices calling his name. He looked up to see them piling through the door, them and someone...new.

"Hey Nick." She looked excited to see him which made him smile.

"Hey." Nick replied warily as he eyed Michael, he wasn't always good with new people, it took him time to warm up. He realised it probably made him look like an asshole on first impression but he couldn't help it. Working in a bar you got to see a wide range of characters and not all of them were that likeable.

"This is Michael he...well he has your old room."

"Hey buddy how you doing?" Michael thrust his hand in Nick's direction which Nick accepted and shook firmly.

"So can I get you a drink Mike?"

"Yeah a beer is good, and whatever these guys are having...and you of course."

"Sure thing...so how did the big move go?"

"It was ok thanks to these guys lending a hand...haven't quite managed the unpacking part yet though. I'll deal with that tomorrow, there's some stuff I'll need to find for work on Monday."

"Oh what do you do?"

"I'm a teacher actually." That got Nick's attention.

"Isn't that weird Nick...now I can bore someone else with my school stories instead of you guys" Jess chuckled.

"Right." Nick half-heartedly laughed back.

Nick spent the best part of his shift staring over at the booth where they were all sitting and laughing together. He wasn't sure how he felt about all of it, sure Michael seemed like a nice guy but soon they would all be the best of friends and Nick would barely know him at all. This guy would know things about _his_ friends that he didn't know and the thought made him ill at ease.

Nick snapped out of his thoughts as Michael reappeared at the bar and ordered another round, a big one.

"Wow you guys are really going for it tonight?" Nick joked.

"Actually a couple of my buddies are coming down, I thought they could meet the guys I'm living with and maybe come back and check out the loft after."

"Oh ok, yeah that sounds like a great idea...I guess."

Ten minutes later Nick watched from afar as Winston, Schmidt and Jess were introduced to a couple of Michael's friends, who he would later find out were Matt - an accountant and Adam - an architect. He watched them clink glasses with the guys and flirt overtly with Jess. She wouldn't go for that, he thought, Jess doesn't go for guys that direct and obnoxious.

Jess was aware that Adam kept staring at her, if she was honest they were all flirting with her, even Schmidt and Winston got a little swept up in it but Adam literally had not stopped staring at her since he came into the bar and the fact that it didn't even waver after Cece made an appearance was somewhat unsual and pleasantly surprising. He was good looking, that much was obvious with his sandy blonde hair and strong jaw but he was confident without being arrogant and she rarely came across that.

She liked it.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick hadn't really been back to the loft since he had moved out, Caroline had always suggested that the guys come to them for dinner or drinks. Up until a month ago he had never had a dinner party with Schmidt and Winston in his life, now they had them constantly. Still, he supposed it was nice that Caroline still wanted him to have his 'boys nights' - that was how she always referred to it and that's what they always were, he couldn't tell if it was her fault or his that he hadn't seen Jess in two weeks. He had texted her but he missed talking to her, he had no idea what was happening in her life and he hated that, she used to talk to him about everything. He was excited about going to the loft tonight, more excited than he would dare admit to Caroline but she had been in such a rush to leave to meet her friends that he hadn't had to work that hard to hide it.

The loft looked and smelled the same but it felt different, he felt strange being there as a guest. He had hoped this would still be like a second home to him but it hadn't quite worked out that way. Still he tried to ease himself back into it the best he could, settling back into his dent in the couch, beer in hand. Michael was there so it wasn't quite like old times but he knew the guys couldn't leave him out and he was cool, Nick actually liked him. Jess still hadn't come out of her room yet and he felt himself getting a little impatient.

As conversation flowed Schmidt finally broached his least favourite subject.

"So how are love's young dream, is everything trouble free in paradise." Schmidt said in his most sincere voice, he genuinely didn't want to upset Nick, he knew this transition had been hard for him.

"Everything's great." Nick chirped a little too enthusiastically. "I mean there have been a few teething problems but that's to be expected right?"

All three guys nodded their heads in unison.

"Living with a woman always takes some...adjustment. You know women and their crazy ways." Nick laughed. "Uh speaking of which where's Jess?" he tried to throw in casually.

"Um" Winston scratched his ear "She's on a date actually." Winston and Schmidt knew Nick had always been a little weird about the guys Jess had dated in the past, they never presumed anything but it was always an area they treaded carefully with.

"Oh." Nick lowered his eyes trying not to let his smile crack. "Good for her. Um...so who's it with?"

"My buddy Adam." Michael chimed in unknowingly. "Yeah they hit it off the other night, he's really into her I don't think I've ever seen him like that after a date. It was weird."

Nick swallowed hard.

"Oh so they've been out already?"

"Yep, third date. You know what they say about the third date am I right?" Michael naively winked and jokingly raised his beer bottle towards Nick who returned the gesture weakly before downing half the bottle in one fell swoop.

* * *

Jess watched Adam as she drank her wine, she really enjoyed his company, he seemed to have it so together. By the way he was wining and dining her she suspected he'd had a fair bit of practice before her but she didn't mind that. He was interesting and funny and he made her feel...sexy. She always got so nervous on dates, she hadn't really been back in the game that long after Spencer and that had showed on their first date but instead of making her feel foolish he had held her hand and gotten her to talk about it.

The last month had been strange to say the least and things had become confusing with her and Nick, that comfort they once shared with each other was fading. She guessed she wasn't as good as she thought at hiding her real feelings about the whole Caroline situation, Nick seemed to see right through her so he didn't confide in her the way he used to. Sure he would text her here and there but still he seemed distant, like being a round her had suddenly become harder.

She was aware that her face had become serious as she sat and thought of Nick so pushing all thoughts off him to the back of her mind she reached to hold Adam's hand which was stretched across the table towards her. If Nick could move on with his life so could she.

* * *

Nick threw on his jacket reluctantly, it had been weird watching Michael take himself off to bed to his old room but it was something he would have to get used to he supposed. As he looked as Jess' bedroom door he suddenly realised its proximity to the door opposite. He fleetingly wondered if she would develop the same relationship with Michael that she did with him. Would she wander across the hall late at night to talk to him about her problems? He shook the thought from his head and said goodbye to Schmidt and Winston slapping them softly on the back as he left, it had been nice to spend time with them like this, still now he was going home to his girlfriend and that was something he was starting to get used to.

He walked out of the building pulling his jacket around him a little and as he turned the corner the cool, silent air was broken by the sound of laughter. Instinctively he turned around and there they were hand in hand walking into the building together. Nick felt his insides lurch.

She looked happy.


	5. Chapter 5

As Jess opened her eyes she was aware of a warm heavy weight pushed up against her back. She smiled to herself as she felt warm lips pressing against her shoulder and a hand creep up to lace through hers. She turned half way over so she was facing him, he rested his chin on her shoulder and smiled sweetly. He really was handsome she thought to herself. She knew a lot of guys followed this three date rule but she never had before, to be honest she had been with Spencer so long that her rule book was little out of date. She hadn't anticipated sleeping with Adam last night, it had just sort of happened. She hoped this wouldn't spoil anything with Michael, it was all so new and she didn't want to make anything weird for him but her and Adam were attracted to each other and she was tired of overthinking things. He could see her brain starting to tick over so he raised himself up so she could completely roll over under him before he kissed her hard, she looked shy all of a sudden which he found very sweet and sexy so he decided to take the lead as they made love again.

That was the one thing about the loft, everything was on show. There was no way to sneak Adam out the door quietly so she just marched him out brazenly hand in hand ignoring the looks on the guy's faces. As they reached the hallway she pulled the door over as much as she could, careful not to lock herself out.

"So last night was really great...and this morning" he said beaming at her from ear to ear. "I'd love to see you again tonight...if you're not busy that is."

"Sure...I have to meet my friend Sadie for some birthday drinks at Clyde's but...you could come...I'd like that?"

"Sounds like a plan" with that he kissed her and walked away, not dropping her hand until the last minute as he smiled back at her. As he disappeared out of sight she took a deep breath and walked back into the loft ready for the onslaught.

"Jessica Day you little hussy"

"Ooh JD got some, whoop whoop"

"Adam, that dirty dog."

She accepted the barrage and let them get it out of their system before she engaged them in a normal adult conversation.

"So it's going pretty well huh?" Schmidt prodded.

"Yeah it's great" she responded shyly "I like him." She glanced at Michael to gauge how he was feeling about the fact she was now sleeping with one of his friends but he seemed genuinely pleased so she allowed herself to relax a little.

"I hope this isn't weird for you Michael?"

"Of course it's not weird Adam's my pal, your my pal, what could be wrong with that. I kinda saw how this was headed anyway." He winked at her."Like I was saying to Nick last night, third date's a charm and all that."

Jess' head snapped up as her eyes widened.

"Nick was here last night?"

"Yeah he stopped by for a few beers." Schmidt offered. "You must have just missed him by like 5 minutes." Schmidt failed to notice the look on Jess' face as he buried his head back in his cereal.

"I wish I'd seen him."

She wasn't sure if she said that out loud or not but if she had they weren't paying attention. They had gotten over the excitement of her rendezvous and were now discussing which cereal box character had the best outfit. She turned back to her bedroom, she felt uncomfortable that Nick knew she was on a date, probably because he had always been so judgmental of her dates in the past and she knew what she was in for. Yeah that was it.

* * *

As Jess entered the bar she immediately saw Sadie's hands waving frantically in the air at her, she could tell she'd had a few glasses of wine already.

"Hi sweetie." Sadie chorused as she threw her arms around Jess.

"Hi, happy birthday...ok what can I get you to drink" Jess clapped her hands together excitedly.

"I gotta be honest I've had a few already."

"So what, it's your birthday...come on you gotta have something with bubbles in it. I'm doing it anyway Sadie." She started to back away to the bar sneakily as Sadie laughed. As she got to the bar a nervous feeling settled in her stomach, maybe it wasn't such a good idea inviting Adam here tonight with all of her friends here, maybe it would be too much too soon. She shook the thought out of her head as she hopped up on the bar stool. Nick was standing a little further down the bar with his back to her - she smiled a little.

"Hey stranger" she called out to him to which he flicked his head round in her direction faster than she could blink.

"Hey...there she is...it's good to see you." He couldn't stop himself from smiling at her.

"You too, sorry I missed you the other night I didn't know you were coming round" Jess fiddled with the straws and napkins on the bar top. Why did she feel so nervous?

"S'ok you didn't miss much. So uh...I hear you had a date."

"Um yeah, his name's Adam he's..."

"One of Mike's friends...yeah I heard." Nick noticed Jess wouldn't look at him as she spoke. "So you like him?"

"Yeah I do, he's a good guy. I think you'd like him actually."

Nick nodded slowly without taking his eyes off her.

"So what about you, how's Caroline?"

"She's really good, things are amazing right now so..."

"Well that's great, I'm happy for you. It would be good to see more of you though." Jess reached out to touch his arm.

"Yeah I know, Jess I've been thinking and..."

"Nicholas, two tequilas for my favourite lesbian doctor!" Schmidt bellowed as he and Winston piled toward the bar dragging a giggling Sadie behind them. Nick sighed as he grimaced towards a completely oblivious Schmidt then resigned himself to making the drinks.

"Why don't you guys just go sit down I'll bring them over."

* * *

After an hour or so Nick clocked off and went over to join the gang who were all feeling the effects of their drinks. Deciding to try and catch up a little Nick threw back a couple of whiskeys and let himself shake off the day and relax. After wishing Sadie a happy birthday several times over until she heard him correctly through her drunken haze, he had settled himself next to the guys. Schmidt was deep in conversation with two of Sadie's friends, what he was discussing with them Nick didn't want to know, the expressions on their faces said it all. Winston and Michael were arguing whimsically over who was the best musician and after playing air piano on the whiskey soaked table for twenty minutes they decided to take it over to the real thing and they started to tinkle away. It was actually very pleasant to listen to.

Once again it was just Nick and Jess deep in conversation, they both sat with their heads leaning against the back of the booth laughing and nudging each other playfully. As Jess giggled into her glass over something silly they had been discussing he took a moment to regard her and it made him smile.

"This is fun Jess."

Patting his hand on her leg softy he continued to smile at her.

"I've really missed you." He said in a rare moment of vulnerability.

"I've missed you too Nick." she replied softly as she found her right side leaning hard up against his left. They had been sitting like that all night.

A silence fell over them as they looked at each smiling with heavy eyes, when suddenly they were distracted by Michael stumbling drunkenly from the piano towards the doorway and lunging to give somebody a high five. As Jess raised her head she saw Adam throw an arm around his friend and walk over to the booth. Jess rose quickly out of her seat wanting to greet him a little further away from the booth but it was too late, he was right there in full view of everyone as he leaned forward and kissed her intently. Nick lowered his gaze staring a hole into the bottle of his glass as he clenched his jaw.

"Hey, sorry I'm a little late I got held up" Adam apologised draping an arm round her waist.

"Oh that's ok why don't we go and get you a drink." She trailed her arm down from his shoulder to hold his hand and lead him away, Nick watching them disappear into the crowd.

* * *

"And who is that tall drink of water?" Sadie slurred to Schmidt.

"That's Jess' new boy toy."

Nick feigned disinterest while his ears pricked up at their conversation.

"Yeah go Jess, that's my girl, she'd better get some tonight" Said laughed and raised her glass to nobody in particular.

"Oh she got some already" Schmidt said a little too loudly.

Nick pretended he hadn't heard as a pain hit him in the chest. He gritted his teeth and threw back another whiskey, and another, and another. Jess was sitting at the other side of the booth now holding on to the arm that was strewn around her shoulders and giggling every few moments as Adam kissed her cheek and neck. Every now and again she would look back at Nick who had engaged himself in a drunken conversation with Schmidt. Nick could feel her looking over but he didn't dare look back. He didn't know what was happening but he had stomach ache and his chest felt tight, he told Schmidt it was the whiskey. He almost convinced himself.

Moments later when Nick threw a glance in their direction he noticed Sadie had now passed out on Jess' shoulder, as he exchanged a brief smirk with Jess, Adam has situated himself a little closer towards him.

"Hey Nick how's it going man" he patted Nick on the shoulder amicably.

"Hey, it's good man, how are you...you and Jess seem to be ...getting on" the words were a bit of a struggle not least because he was pretty drunk.

"Yeah, we're having a great time."

"So I heard" Nick raised his glass to Adam drunkenly and swallowed hard. Adam chose to take it a locker room banter and carried on.

"So you live with your girlfriend now right?"

"Yeah I do, it's great, she's amazing." Nick could feel Jess glaring at him her face less jovial than it had been moments ago.

"Living together, that's a big step, so I guess the engagement ring is next on the cards huh?"

Jess was listening intently as her breathing quickened a little.

"Yeah, could be" Nick drawled.

"You can't be serious Nick?" Jess interjected unable to listen to the conversation any further, her face displaying a hint of anger.

"Why wouldn't I be serious?"

Jess laughed almost mockingly unable to hide the bad taste the conversation was leaving in her mouth. She avoided Adam's questioning looks and took herself off to the bathroom leaving Adam and Nick to talk. As she entered the stall she leaned back hard against the door as it closed, her breath ragged.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning was dragging on as Jess checked her watch every ten minutes, she'd swear the hands on it were stuck. Adam had asked her to meet him for lunch as an apology for not being able to spend time with her the night before because of a basketball game. She hadn't seen him since the night at the bar and she knew the conversation had got a little intense, she hoped she could blame it on the alcohol and he wouldn't think too much of it. He was a nice guy and he didn't deserve to get mixed in any of the pettiness between her and Nick which had hit a peak last night. When the the bell rang at midday she was out of the door before the kids were and sure enough, there he was standing next to her car with a picnic basket in hand, maybe she was forgiven after all. She felt her mouth curl into a big smile as she walked towards him, as far as dating goes, things were going well with them so far, she just needed to relax into it a little more.

"Hi"

"Hey, I come bearing brie, am I forgiven for bailing on you last night."

She giggled as she leaned up to give him a lingering kiss which he more than welcomed.

"I know a great spot, come on." She grabbed his hand excitedly and pulled him towards the small gardens behind the school, far enough out of view that she wouldn't risk any of her students catching her and teasing her mercilessly for the rest of the day. As they settled down on their blanket and ate the lunch he had prepared, she took stock of her situation, he liked her - he really liked her. She had met him the day Michael moved in and now they were dating, it seemed so easy that part of her was waiting for it to implode, but why couldn't it be simple, why couldn't it happen this way and turn out to really be something?

Her mind was still fogged up with thoughts of the bar and of Nick but she fought it and listened to his stories and laughed at his jokes. Adam was so tactile, she wasn't used to it, he was always touching her every chance he got. As she leaned her back against his chest, he stroked her arm and she relaxed completely, so completely she wasn't quite ready for the direction the conversation took.

"Jess can I ask you something and you totally don't have to tell me because we haven't been dating that long and..."

"Adam what is it?" she laughed softly.

"Do you and Nick have some sort of history...I mean did you guys ever..."

"No, no absolutely not he's just my friend. Why?" Jess had spun round to face him now, completely taken aback by his question.

"Nothing, no it's nothing it's just you guys seemed to get a little worked up over each other last night."

"No Adam we're just friends I promise you...I had a little issue with him moving in with his girlfriend only because I don't think she's good for him and it's made things a little weird between us but that's all." She rested her hand on his thigh to reassure him as his mouth curved into a small smile.

"So what's his excuse?" he added playfully as he boyishly threw a grape into his mouth.

"What?"

"You don't like his girlfriend right...but what's his excuse for acting like the jealous ex?" Adam was a little concerned he might be crossing the line but the truth was he could be a jealous guy too and he didn't like competition, he wanted her relationship with Nick out on the table.

"Adam he was drunk and he can be a little funny with new people sometimes but you're way off with the jealous ex thing trust me...we're just friends."

"I know it's probably not my place to say but I think you're being a little naive Jess."

"About what?"

"Nick...the guy obviously has a thing for you."

* * *

Nick sat comfortably on the sofa, resting his feet on the coffee table and cracking his toes contently, he had been buried in his book for the past couple of hours winding down from the double shift he had pulled at the bar the night before. Nick had always been comfortable in his job but so much had changed in his life recently that thoughts of change had started to creep into his mind. He waited patiently for Caroline to come home to tell her what was on his mind, girlfriends were supposed to be kept in the loop on this stuff. The truth was he had always admired Schmidt's ambition but he just didn't think he had it in him to be like that, but now he considered if he could push himself for something more, if not for himself then for the people he cared about. He had people in his life who believed in him and frequently told him so, maybe he was starting to believe it.

Nick heard the key in the lock as Caroline came piling into the apartment with arms full of grocery bags.

"Wait, here let me help you, I could have come down to the car and got these why didn't you call me?" He kissed her over the top of the groceries popping out of the bag.

"It's ok they're not that heavy, I didn't want to bother you...I was just gonna cook some pasta tonight if that's ok?"

"Sure sounds good...you want me to get you a glass of wine."

"mmmm yeah."

* * *

Nick leaned back in his chair making a roaring satisfied noise as he chewed his last mouthful and ran his hands over his now full belly as Caroline giggled at him.

"Ooooh, that was so good." He mumbled with his mouth full."

"Ew Nick chew your food." She laughed making him smile.

Changing the mood slightly he leaned towards her pushing his plate away and folding his arms on the table. "Hey Caroline, I've been thinking about some stuff ever since we moved in together and I think it's time a start making some other changes."

"Oh..." she leaned forward intrigued by the change in conversation.

"I've been thinking about me and the bar and where I'm heading with all of this and I think I want to move it forward you know...take a big step."

"Nick I think that's great."

"So...I've been thinking about you know...maybe trying to get a loan to see about starting up my own bar. I know it's not that simple it'll take a lot of work and the banks will probably laugh me off of the door but I'd really like to give it a go."

"Oh...I see" Caroline flopped back in her chair taking a long gulp of her wine and casting her eyes down.

"What...you don't think it's a good idea?" Nick's face fell a little.

"No it's just when you said move forward I assumed you meant...you know...forward on to something else"

Nick paused staring down at his now fidgeting hands "That's what you want from me?"

"Well...eventually Nick yeah. I mean you don't want to be a bar tender your whole life do you?"

"I like being a bar tender Caroline"

"I know you do...for now...but you said it yourself Nick things are changing and I think it's good you want to roll with that I just think maybe you should roll another way. Besides a loan?...That's a little unrealistic babe."

Nick's jaw sarted to clench as his face heated up with embarrassment. He kept his head down even as she reached across to grab his hand.

"Look sweetie I'm only looking out for you, I just don't want you to set your hopes too high to be disappointed. I think you need to think about starting at the bottom of the ladder and working your way up you know...what regular people do"

By her tone Nick could be forgiven for thinking she was talking about something as trivial as him forgetting to buy the milk. She stood up and ruffled his hair before picking up their plates and disappearing to the kitchen, the conversation was over apparently. He had been plucking up the nerve to start that conversation all day and she had dismissed it as nothing but the silly daydream of luckless slacker. He felt humiliated.

* * *

As Jess arrived home she threw her keys on the side table and kicked off her shoes it was late and all the energy had completely disappeared from her body. The papers which she had skipped grading at lunchtime to see Adam had kept her behind at school. It should have only taken her an hour or so but she couldn't focus, her mind constantly wandering back to Adam's words earlier in the day. She shouldn't be dwelling on it, Adam didn't know Nick all that well and he certainly didn't know anything about the friendship they shared, still the words had stuck and she couldn't shake them off.

After a long hot shower she had curled herself on the sofa with a cup of tea, she was expecting Adam in less than an hour and she wanted to clear her head, she was in no rush to continue their earlier conversation. She had to set Adam straight, she didn't want a cloud hanging over their fledgling relationship.

She thought back to their lunch and how sweet he had been, pushing all other thoughts to the back of her mind. She had just about managed it until she realised her finger was hovering over her phone with Nick's number shining bright on the screen.

Little did she know Nick was lying on his bed doing the same thing.


	7. Chapter 7

In the two weeks since Nick's conversation with Caroline he had been to appointments at various banks paying no heed to anything she had said to him, he had try, for once in his life he had to try. The thing was he was broke, he had no assets and no real clue about running a business so he didn't know what he expected, but that didn't make it hurt any less as he left dejected and empty handed. None of the bankers had been particularly mean or dismissive he just didn't like having the cold hard facts laid out, it was hard to hear. He hadn't told Caroline what he was doing, she seemed content that he hadn't raised the conversation again so he kept it to himself. As he sat in his car he leaned his head bank against the seat and slowly closed his eyes and loosened his tie, now that he had set the wheels in motion he realised how much he wanted it. He was becoming very familiar with the depressing feeling of yearning intensely for something he couldn't have. Just as he was about to start the engine he received a text from Winston telling him they were all heading to the bar in a couple of hours and to bring Caroline along, while part of him wanted to go home and feel sorry for himself he knew that probably wasn't the best idea so he started to type out a text to Caroline who agreed to meet him there after she finished work.

* * *

Nick usually preferred to go somewhere other than Clyde's on his nights off but as long as all the guys were there it was just about bearable. He could hear them laughing before he could see them and then there they were, Winston was pretty much inseparable from Shelby now, Schmidt insisted that Cece come along if they so much as went grocery shopping and then there was Jess and Adam.

'So he's still around' Nick thought with a slight sigh as he greeted them and pulled up a seat. He wanted to sit with Jess so he could clear the air, he bided his time slowly shuffling round the table gradually as people came and went to the bar or the bathroom. They hadn't even had an argument, not really, but he still felt compelled to apologise to her after their last conversation. She hadn't responded to any of his messages since then so he guessed she was a little mad at him, something was on her mind he knew that much, he could tell just looking at her. As Adam disappeared to make a call on his cell Nick seized the opportunity and sidled next to Jess.

"Hey"

"Hey"

They looked at each other in a frozen moment, both silently acknowledging the complexity of their relationship.

"So how have you been..I haven't heard from for a while"

"Yeah I know sorry I've just been really busy this week and I've had a lot on my mind"

"Is it anything you want to talk about...I've got an ear you can bend...they're pretty bendy."

He wiggled his ears between his thumbs and fingers as she laughed and swept the hair out of her face, her eyes continuing to look down at her lap. Nick looked at her face close up trying to read what was bothering her as he rested his arm along the back of the booth that ran behind her encircling her small body without touching her.

"No it's ok, it's no big deal just a heavy week at work and stuff..." She lied.

"You know you can still talk to me Jess, that doesn't have to change."

As she raised her head he looked so open and sincere and she wanted to talk to him, very much, but it didn't feel like the right time, so she played it down and laughed it off. Nick didn't believe her but he didn't force the issue and decided to change the subject.

"Soooo...how's it going?"

She knew what he was talking about, he didn't have to say it.

"It's good, it's really good." She could never really say much more than that when she was talking to Nick about Adam. He knew so much about Paul and he had been near enough in love with Russell but now she found herself stalling, it wasn't that she wanted to keep Adam a secret from him but things were sensitive between her and Nick right now and somehow they kept pushing each other's buttons and she didn't want to exacerbate that. Jess had tried to forget what Adam had said to her at their picnic, and even though Adam seemed to have gotten past it, the words kept popping into her mind so she carefully steered the conversation back towards Nick.

Things had felt strained between Nick and Jess since he had moved out but he was determined he didn't want to lose what they had - he opened up to her about the decision he'd made.

"Oh my God Nick that's amazing."

"Yeah well I didn't get anywhere with it so it's no big deal I guess"

"It is a big deal Nick I'm so proud of you, you put yourself out there. You're not giving up on it are you?"

He smiled slightly at her enthusiasm, she always made him feel like he could do anything.

"I don't know Jess I mean if the banks aren't gonna play ball where else could I get that kind of money?"

"You're smart Nick you could find a way"

"Find a way to what?" Caroline interrupted as she dropped intrusively next to Nick placing her hand firmly on his leg.

"Uh Nick was just telling me about his idea to start up a bar of his own" Jess was almost beaming expecting Caroline to respond in the same way until she saw Nick close his eyes and flinch a little.

"No Jess, Jess, Jess it's nothing really" he whispered frantically trying to close down the discussion.

"What?..." Caroline turned to Nick lowering her voice trying to hide her annoyance and laugh off the conversation in front of Jess "...we're still on that Nick, I thought we discussed it already"

"No we're not still on it...it's not going to happen anyway so..." Nick's voice petered out as he avoided Jess' stare.

"It's for the best Nick...right Jess? ...it's too much for him to take on right now don't you think?" Caroline smiled at Jess then back at Nick before she picked up the drinks menu and passively tried to move the conversation on to something else.

"No I don't think that." Jess shook her head with a sullen tone, she wanted to reach out to Nick and hold his hand but she couldn't.

"I'm sorry?" Caroline chuckled, feigning ignorance

"Jess it's ok let's just forget it" Nick's eyes pleaded with her to drop it.

"No I won't forget it. It's a great idea and Nick would be amazing at it"

"I'm sure he would but he has no money or experience" Caroline spoke as though Nick wasn't even there which got Jess even more riled. Nick could see Jess edging further forward in her seat as jolts of irritation seemed to shoot up her back.

"Nick has worked here for 10 years of course he has experience."

"Jess please! Can we all just drop this" Nick begged.

"Fine" Caroline agreed as she buried her head back in the menu.

"What the hell are you doing Nick?" Jess wasn't ready to let this go.

"What?"

"You want this... why can't so say you want it, fight for yourself for once?"

"I think you're being a little dramatic Jessica" Caroline spat her name as though it were an insult.

"I was talking to Nick" Jess turned her head toward Caroline as she spoke without taking her eyes off Nick.

"Jess drop it, I mean it" Nick said through gritted teeth, while Jess stared right through him. There was that look again, that disappointed look that made his heart sink to the bottom of his ribcage. As Adam reappeared to the table shoving his phone back in his pocket Jess threw him an exaggerated smile to try and diffuse the lingering tension that had been stirred up. Nick saw right through it but Adam remained oblivious as he made his apologies for being on his call so long. Adam looked at Jess smiling expectantly ready to pick up with the conversation they were having, instead he found himself being ushered away to the bar.

"Why don't we go get some more drinks" Jess suggested as she was already moving out of the booth forcing Adam backwards.

"Ah ...sure ok" Adam agreed, slightly confused as he eyed her full glass of wine.

* * *

As the night went on Caroline seemed relatively unaffected by her argument with Jess, she ignored the numerous requests from Nick to leave claiming she was having too much fun as she delved back into her conversation with Shelby. Nick soon figured that 'too much fun' really meant too much wine. Jess was avoiding him now, yet again it was one step forward and two steps back with them. Whenever Caroline wasn't looking he kept stealing glances at her and Adam, they were getting closer, he could see it and it made that pain in his chest rear its ugly head again. What was it with this guy? He didn't seem like Jess' type at all, he never saw her with some suited up pretty boy, but now he was the one getting all her time, he was the one she was telling everything to and he was the one making her smile. Soon Adam would know her better than he did. Suddenly Nick found himself getting irrationally angry. He saw Jess make a move for the bathroom and before he knew it he was on his feet following her. As she went to grab the bathroom door he grabbed the top of her arm and spun her round to face him.

"Nick!"

"What the hell was that earlier?"

Jess paused to read his face, startled by his sudden actions.

"Wait a minute are you actually getting angry at ME here Miller?"

"Why couldn't you just leave it alone when I asked you to...what, were you trying to pick a fight?"

"You're unbelievable Nick" She turned on her heels and went to push the bathroom door open again.

Again he grabbed her pulling her back, this time further round the corner so they were out of view. He stared at her breathing heavily.

"What's going on between us"

"You tell me Nick? I was the one defending you back there and you have the nerve to come and yell at me"

"You didn't need to defend me Jess, I never asked you to. Caroline and I already talked about it and the truth is she was right...Caroline was right about the whole thing so..."

Jess' eyes started to water as she desperately tried to read Nick's face and figure out what was going on in his head. This woman was crushing everything she thought she knew about him.

"What's happened to you Nick?"

"What are you talking about"

"She has this power over you and I swear to God I can't watch it. You're not happy."

"Oh...why don't you just say it Jess"

"Say what?"

"You don't like her"

"Fine I don't like her!"

Nick knew it but was stunned into silence nonetheless. Jess never disliked anyone.

"I'm sorry Nick but she makes you unhappy, it's written all over your face and you're lying to yourself"

"Oh I'M lying to myself?"

"Yes"

"That's rich Jess" he clenched his jaw and laughed cruelly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean at least I can admit that Caroline and I disagree and argue sometimes. I'm not the one playing the perfect couple with some suit I wouldn't have looked twice at a month ago."

Jess looked wounded, she recoiled backwards a little as his words hit her, She didn't know where this anger was coming from.

"You don't even know him Nick"

"I don't want to know him, he won't even be around next month Jess and you know it"

"If you really believe that then what does it matter how I am with him huh? Why do you even care?"

"Why do I care?"

"Yes Nick, you're never even around anymore, you're always with her, so why do you care?"

The air was thick around them as they both fought for breath. Nick's fists were clenched and Jess eyes shone with tears, neither of them sure what was happening. Their faces were inches apart as they both seethed and and struggled to regain their composure.

"I don't care Jess. I hope you're happy with him."

Nick walked away unable to look back at her face and pain that was flashing across it. What had he done?


	8. Chapter 8

As Adam started to fall asleep on her shoulder on the cab ride home Jess stared out of the window not really looking at anything in particular, her eyes clouded over with tears that were yet to fall. She'd had fights with Nick before but never like that, he had never been cruel. For weeks she had been telling herself that this was just a weird transition, that they would get past it, but what if they didn't? What if they couldn't? She hadn't told Adam what happened, she knew he would confront Nick and that's not what she wanted, besides how would she begin to explain what happened between her and Nick when she didn't know herself?

What the hell was happening between them? She knew her relationship with Nick had always been tinged with something unidentifiable, the way they could talk to each other, the way they depended on each other, she was closer to him than any other guy, closer than she had ever been with Spencer. Now they could barely look at each other. As Adam stirred making small groaning noises she snapped herself back to reality and laced her fingers through the hand that was resting on her thigh.

Nick put Caroline to bed as she muttered non-sensically and promptly passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow, strangely enough Nick had fully sobered up in the wake of his encounter with Jess. He closed the bedroom door quietly as he dropped on to the couch, his head falling into his hands. All that anger and venom he had thrown at her - where had it come from? His chest heaved in the panic that they might not find a way back from this, they had both admitted to their disdain for the other's relationship, that wasn't something so easily forgiven. He couldn't imagine his life without Jess in it but now he was faced with the very painful but very real fact that she might never talk to him again.

* * *

Jess turned to her right to see Adam snoring peacefully next to her, last night was the first night they hadn't had sex since they started dating. Later they would tell themselves it was because Adam was too drunk but Jess knew otherwise. She spent the whole night going over her fight with Nick and checking her phone constantly and she was exhausted, emotionally drained. She'd had to fight hard not to cry in front of Adam, he couldn't know what was going on, he would read too much into it and then she would lose him too, but as Jess took herself quietly off to the bathroom to shower, she allowed the tears to fall freely. Tears which soon broke into a sob that shook her whole body. After a few moments her body stilled as she sniffed and wiped her eyes roughly, a few deep breaths and she composed herself the best she could.

As she moved towards the kitchen all showered and dressed she didn't know if Nick had said anything to the guys about their fight but she entered the kitchen playing dumb anyway. Adam had joined them while she was getting ready, he sat shirtless in the kitchen, something which prompted Schmidt to tense and puff out his chest, so much so he was unable to speak properly. She grabbed some coffee as she listened to them wax lyrical about the night before. As they suddenly erupted in laughter over something trivial Jess noticed how much Schmidt and Winston liked Adam, it was all in Nick's head.

As she checked her watch she went over to kiss Adam and rake her hands through his hair gently causing him to close his eyes with a goofy smile and groan contentedly. She was happy to carry on painting the picture of the 'perfect couple' with him she thought, wincing slightly as she remember Nick's cutting words.

"I gotta go to work"

"It's still early, stay and have some breakfast with me" Adam pretended to whine as he pulled her waist in between his legs where he sat.

"I can't' I have meeting with the vice-principal first thing this morning and I can't be late, besides I'm gonna walk and try and clear away the cobwebs from last night a little."

Adam plastered a playfully frown on his face as he pulled her in for once last kiss before releasing her from his grip letting her walk to the door smiling back at him.

"So what's up with Jess?" Schmidt chipped in once the door was safely closed.

"What do you mean?" Adam screwed his face up a little in confusion.

"Isn't she bummed out about something...seems like she is?"

"No...I don't think so."

Schmidt sipped his coffee knowingly with a smug smile. "Oh Adam...trust me, I know Jessica Day and there is something on her mind."

"Pshh you're crazy, I know her too and she hasn't said a thing...she's fine."

"Ok fine...but don't say you weren't warned."

* * *

Jess sat outside the vice-principal's office, her head still a little foggy from the night before, she had been so wrapped up with what had happened between her and Nick she hadn't had time to get nervous about this meeting or even consider what it might be about. As she thought about it more, she had been asked to schedule this meeting in over week ago, it was pretty unusual for meetings to be that organised round here. Just as she was starting to really overthink it Tanya poked her head round the door and called Jess into her office. Jess' enthusiastic smile wasn't quite matched by the somewhat somber looking Tanya.

"Take a seat Jess"

"Sure ok"

"Ah ok, I'm not going to skirt around this Jess I'm just going to get straight to it"

"Ok" Jess shifted nervously her heart suddenly beating extremely fast.

"As you know for the past couple of years we've been making a lot of budget cuts to keep the school running the best we can. Well we've done everything we can to keep those cuts to more expendable areas shall we say, but the thing is we have now got to a point where that's no longer enough and we're going to have to start making budget cuts in terms of staff"

Jess took a moment allowing her brain to catch up.

"Wait a minute are you saying..."

"I'm sorry Jess but we're going to have to let you go. I've done everything I can believe me and this is no reflection on the way you teach but my hands are tied. We have staff who have been here a lot longer and staff with families to support and someone had to make the decision. I'm so sorry Jess but I promise you will get a great reference and a severance package and I just...I'm very sorry" Tanya's voice faded out as there was nothing else to say to make this better.

"Oh my God" Jess whispered almost inaudibly to herself and she closed her eyes trying to process the moment. Was this really happening?

After another twenty minutes of Tanya trying unsuccessfully to cushion the blow Jess walked out of the room with her head spinning. She had just lost her job. She kept saying it to herself over and over trying to get it to sink in. She had been given the rest of the day off as a 'good will gesture' but as she walked out into the now seemingly glaring sunshine she was at a loss of what to do with herself. All her instincts told her to go to Nick but that wasn't an option now and Cece was out of town on a shoot, so she did something she never usually did, she took herself to the nearest bar at 10am and ordered a large glass of wine.

* * *

Nick was cleaning down the bar as he felt his butt vibrate, he pulled his phone out curiously, nobody ever called him at this time, everyone he knew was at work. He didn't know the number so he cleared his throat ready to put on his more serious sounding phone voice.

"Hello"

"Hello is that Mr Miller"

"Yes it is"

"Hello Mr Miller, my name is Sadie Hamilton I'm calling from SMS Loans with regards to the application you sent us a few weeks ago"

"Yeah...ok...Hi" He tried to keep his excitement contained.

"Well Mr Miller we would like you to come in a talk with us, there are some definite holes in your application but we think there is something here worth a more in depth discussion and we like to think that we'll be able to help you move forward with this"

"That's...I mean...that's fantastic" Nick ran his hand through his hair, eyes wide in disbelief.

"Unfortunately we have very limited time slots available for appointments at the moment but are you able to meet with us on Friday afternoon at 4pm, I appreciate that it's short notice?"

"Of course, Friday at 4, I'll be there. Thank you so much"

"I look forward to meeting you Mr Miller, you have a nice day"

"You too and thank you...again...bye"

Nick let out the breath he had been holding for the entire phone call and allowed his face to burst into a huge smile, he realised his hands were shaking, a true reminder of just how much this meant to him. He was so excited he wanted to tell someone, he picked up his phone again and he wanted to call Jess, his elation had allowed him to forget for a couple of minutes but then he remembered he would be the last person she would want to hear from. His joyous moment suddenly tainted with the realisation that the one person he wanted to share this with was the one person who hated him the most at this moment in time. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and carried on with his work keeping his revelation to himself.

* * *

Jess finally made it home after pacing what felt like the whole city for hours, she had been given until the end of the semester which was only two week away, finding a new teaching position at this point in the year was going to be pretty much impossible. Again she found herself heading for the half drunk bottle of pink wine she knew was in the fridge. She was never one to drown her sorrows but hell it had always gotten Nick through. She wanted to talk to him so much, he would know what to say to her but after what she said about Caroline she was pretty sure he wouldn't even pick up the phone. She was heading over to Adam's in a couple of hours, he was sweet and kind and he had a profession that he loved, he would know how to help her, she was sure of it. She would tell him everything, he would understand.

As she entered his apartment a while later she could smell the food cooking and she could see the table all laid out with a bottle of red on top, she afforded herself a weak smile in spite of how she was feeling and joined him in the kitchen as he snaked his arm around her shoulder and kissed her as he continued to stir the pan on the hob with the other.

"Hey, babe how was you day?"

There it was, her opener, her chance to get it all off her chest and allow him to comfort her.

"It was fine, the usual you know, pretty uneventful" The words tumbled out with no regard for what was in her head.

And just like that her window was gone, he was standing there open and ready to listen but the words never came and now he had moved on to the amazing day he'd had implying nonchalantly that he might be up for promotion next month. She smiled and kiss him offering her congratulations as her chest ached painfully, the words still frozen on her tongue.


	9. Chapter 9

Winston pulled a stool up to the bar and sat with a big sigh as he rubbed his forehead trying to smooth out the furrowed lines etched there since the start of the day. He was glad to get to the familiarity of the bar and Nick's somewhat friendly face after the day he'd had. It wasn't so much that Winston didn't like his job it was more that he loathed it with every fibre of his being, to that end most of his days were now rounded off like this, with a large whiskey or two at Clyde's.

"You ok buddy?" Nick enquired, instinctively pouring his drink without even asking what he wanted and handing it to him.

"This job is gonna be the death of me man, ugh how did I even get here?"

"Winston if it's getting you down this much just quit"

"And do what...I'm qualified for nothing"

"Neither am I but that doesn't mean you can't make ...you know...changes"

"That's easier said than done Nick"

"No it's not, not necessarily"

"How come you're the motivational speaker on careers all of a sudden?"

"I'm not it's just..you know...things can change."

"What's going on with you Mr My-glass-is-half-full?"

Nick paused unsure of whether or not he wanted anyone to know, the meeting could be a total bust and it could go back to being nothing but a pipe dream and he didn't know if he would be able to face that kind of embarrassment, especially amongst his friends. Hell Caroline didn't even know what he was up to. Nick had never put anything on the line, least of all his pride and certainly not his heart.

"Look Winston keep this to yourself cos nobody knows about this and I don't want anybody to know yet"

"Scout's honour" Winston put one hand over his heart and made the incorrect gesture with the other.

"I'm looking into buying my own bar, I have a meeting on Friday to see about getting a loan and...I don't know I got a good feeling about it"

"Whoa Nick that's big...I mean it's great...but big. I'm proud of you man!"

"Thanks, I know it is big" Nick said slightly shakily, a sudden wave of nervousness coming across him as he shifted from one foot to the other and cleaned imaginary stains on the bar.

"And you haven't told anyone about this?"

"Caroline knows a little...and Jess" Nick's mind immediately switched at the mention of her name as he lowered his eyes in reflection of their argument. They still hadn't spoken and he missed her more than he had dared admit to anyone. As Nick pondered his situation with Jess he didn't realised he hadn't spoken in a minute or two.

"What's going on with you and Jess Nick?

"What did she tell you?"

"Nothing...she clams up anytime we mention your name, did you guys have a fight or something?"

"Something like that" Nick backed away from the bar a little and started busying himself drying glasses which were already dry. "How is she?" He mumbled without raising his head.

"I don't know she seems down lately I guess, I don't know what's up with her but I don't like it. When Jessica Day in unhappy then there's no hope for the rest of us."

* * *

As soon as the bell went for lunchtime, Jess grabbed her cell phone and started to dial from a list of numbers she had printed out earlier in the day. This is how she had spent every moment she had to herself when she wasn't working. Calling schools, recruitment consultants and teaching agencies to no avail, she had a little over a week to find a new job and she was getting nowhere and to make matters worse she still hadn't told anyone, not even Adam and she had spent every day with him. Part of her hoped she would find something new and then she could make it seem like it was her decision. She didn't want to face the embarrassment of telling everyone she loved that she was unemployed and unemployable. She wasn't used to keeping things bottled up and it was taking its toll on her.

As Jess hung up the phone after thanking the person on other end profusely for not helping her, she took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. She wanted to go home, she didn't belong here any more and she could feel it, but as the kids returned to their desks she tried hard to pull herself together, it wasn't their fault, she couldn't give up on them before the end of term. She hadn't told them she was leaving yet, she didn't quite have the energy to get over that hurdle just now so she plastered a smile on her face and gave it her all - the way she always did.

* * *

Nick stood it front of the mirror smoothing down his hair and straightening his tie a little more, as the nerves settled into his belly he couldn't stop fidgeting, Friday seemed to come around a lot quicker than he expected. He was wearing the suit that Caroline had made him buy for some dull work event she had dragged him along to, the event was a waste of time but the suit was now proving pretty useful. He had forced himself to eat some breakfast but shunned the coffee not wanting to set his nerves any more on edge than they already were. It was still early, too early to leave but the waiting was killing him, maybe he would walk round the block a few times first to clear his head. Nick left the house without so much as glancing at himself in the mirror on a daily basis but now he couldn't stop checking that he looked ok, he didn't want to screw this up with something as simple as a creased shirt. He had to prove he was serious about this, that he was worth the risk they would inevitably be taking. Nick adjusted his collar one last time, gathered up his papers and headed out the door.

He decided the twenty minute walk was a better option, truth be told his hands were a little too shaky for him to drive. As he looked around he realised that, in his suit, he blended into the crowds of people who were walking to and from their offices and for the first time he really felt like an adult and this is what is what would be like if he eventually owned his own business, he wouldn't have that college drop-out feeling anymore.

As Nick neared the building he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he grimaced slightly as it shook him from his mindset, he wanted to stay focused on this he couldn't get preoccupied with anything else but as he looked at the name flashing on the screen he stopped in his tracks. Nick looked up at the building and then back to his phone, he knew it was going to ring out at any second so he had to answer it or let it slide. He answered.

"Jess"

"Nick?" He voice sounded shaky and teary which made his heart start beating even faster than it already was.

"Jess what's wrong?"

"Am interrupting anything, I don't want to bug you if you're busy" Her voice was so quiet and weak he started to panic a little and spoke back at her impatiently needing to know she was ok.

"You're not interrupting anything Jess, what's the matter?"

"Look Nick I know we're not speaking right now and things are really weird between us but it's just...well..." Her voice was breaking more and more into a sob as she spoke.

"What is it Jess?"

"I lost my job Nick and I just really wanted to talk to you. I know I'm being selfish but ...I don't know...I just really need to talk to you. I know I have no right to ask you but I wondered if you could come over. If you're busy it's fine, I'm probably just being silly...in fact you know what, never mind it's fine. I'll be fine"

"Jess"

"Yeah"

"I'll be right there"

Nick hung up the phone and reached up to loosen his tie as he walked away without looking back.


	10. Chapter 10

Forty minutes later and on foot Nick arrived at the loft, he wasn't thinking straight he knew that but he also knew that Jess needed him and that's what mattered to him most in that moment. This was his chance to get Jess back in his life and he wouldn't change that for anything. He had always followed his gut he had no reason to doubt it this time. As he got out of the elevator he stopped at the door to the loft for just a moment to take a deep breath before he knocked. He still had a key but knocking seemed like the right thing to do.

As she opened the door she looked so small, she had put her glasses on but they failed to hide the red circles round her eyes. He had never seen her look so sad and vulnerable and he knew right then he had made the right decision but as words of wisdom failed him he plumped for simplicity.

"Hi"

"Hi"

He could see her mouth begin to quiver again as her eyes filled with tears which fell freely down her face as she blinked. As he took a tentative step towards her she moved quickly reaching up round his neck pulling him close to her in a tight embrace. His arms wrapped instinctively around her back as he turned his head into her neck, breathing a sigh of relief into her hair. He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt as her sobbing shook his body as well as her own, he raised one of his hands to span the width of her small shoulder blades, softly rubbing his thumb over her back in small, soothing strokes.

As they pulled apart he reached a hand up to her face to wipe away her tears with his thumb as he placed a small kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be comforted by him, both of them strangely at ease with this newfound intimacy. As she looked up at him she removed her glasses to wipe her eyes properly bringing his face fully into focus. As he smiled at her she could already feel some of the tension melting away from her body.

"Thank you for coming" She sniffed without breaking her gaze.

"Anytime"

As she started to walk back to the couch he automatically followed her, they both sat in close proximity despite the amount of room they both had available to them. He threw his jacket over the back of the coach as he turned his body so they were facing one another. She was looking at him intently, still on the verge of breaking into tears again.

"Nick I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what I said I shouldn't have..."

"No I'm sorry" Nick cut her off not feeling worthy of her apology. "I was an idiot, I got mad and I took it out on you and that wasn't fair Jess. I never meant to hurt you"

"Neither did I! I hated not being able to talk to you Nick"

"Talk to me now...what happened Jess?"

She sighed and shook her head "Budget cuts, I have until the end of semester to find a new job but there's nothing Nick. I don't know what I'm going to do"

"Jess you're an amazing teacher we can figure this out even if it means subbing for a few months to get your foot in the door right?"

"I guess"

"Worst case scenario you can come work at the bar, I know you make a mean cup of tea"

She laughed through her sadness before she sniffed it away, her face turning serious again.

"It's just I love teaching there Nick, I love those kids"

"I know you do, but you've made such a difference to their lives Jess and they will always be grateful to you for it, even if they don't ever get the chance to say it"

"Thanks Nick" She looked into his eyes, so sincere and honest. "I guess this has just got me questioning myself a little bit"

"Jess you're the smartest person I know, I know you're going to be ok and I'll help you any way I can but I don't ever want you to doubt yourself. This their loss Jess and they will figure that out pretty damn quickly"

She smiled and grabbed for his hand which he turned palm up to clasp with hers.

"I'm glad you're here" she said softly and openly to which he smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Me too"

The following moment seemed to pass by at glacial pace when Nick suddenly remembered himself and pulled his hand away diffusing the intensity of the the moment a little. Jess could see his mind ticking over so she expected the change in the direction of the conversation. Nick cleared his throat and shifted in his seat putting a little more distance between them.

"So what did Adam say about it all?"

"Actually...I haven't' told him. You're the only one who knows"

Nick tried to suppress the small feeling of pride that was rising up in his belly but this wasn't about him, he chided himself for having such a selfish thought and turned his attention back to Jess.

"Don't you think you should tell him, I mean he's your boyfriend right?"

It was a loaded question, Nick had never heard her use the word boyfriend about Adam and he needed to know.

"Right" Jess said quietly with an almost imperceptible nod.

Suddenly Nick jumped a little further away from Jess as he was startled by the sound of laughter and a bouncing basketball coming through the door.

"Oh hey guys...Nick How's it going man." Michael almost sang cheerfully as he slapped Nick's hand on his way to the kitchen to bury his head in the fridge and undo two hour's worth of exercise.

"Hey babe" Adam directed at Jess coolly ignoring Nick as he strode over to her. Nick's sudden movement away from Jess hadn't gone unnoticed by Adam who purposefully engaged Jess in a kiss that was longer than appropriate. Jess dropped her hands from his forearms anticipating the end of the kiss but Adam held her there longer. Nick noticed as Jess fleetingly glanced to the side in his direction, looking anything but comfortable.

"Well I'd better get going" Nick softly slapped his thighs and rocked himself upright.

"No, why don't you hang here for a bit" Jess blurted a little too eagerly.

"Yeah Nick why don't you hang" Adam echoed with a straight face.

"Nah I can't Caroline is cooking so I gotta get back" He lied, Caroline wouldn't be home for another couple of hours.

"That's a good woman you got there...make sure you keep hold of her" Adam advised. Nick could sense his warning tone but chose to let it slide, he knew Adam wasn't in the mood for his company right now and didn't want to stir up any trouble - for Jess' sake.

"I'll walk you out" Jess followed Nick to the door opening it for him.

"You should talk to him Jess" Nick whispered

"I know...I will."

Nick nodded slightly and offered her a half smile as he started out the door. He turned on his heels as she called to him again.

"Nick...thanks...for being here."

"No problem"

"Hey Nick?"

"Why are you wearing a suit?" She laughed.

Nick looked down at himself almost forgetting how his day had begun.

"Another time" He smiled and slung his jacket over his shoulder as he disappeared into the elevator.

* * *

As Jess settled herself back with Adam on the coach she could tell that he had cooled off a little towards her since their amorous 'show' kiss just moments ago. Adam flicked through the TV channels without looking at her, feigning indifference.

"So Nick was here all afternoon?"

"Yeah, why?"

Jess was met with a shrug as he pulled at a thread on his t-shirt pouting childishly.

"He's my friend Adam why is it so weird he was here?"

"Not weird...just annoyingly predictable"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean wherever you are...there he is Jess. Whenever you guys are together he's always glued to your side"

"You know what, I was actually hoping to have an adult conversation with you about something but apparently..."

"No Jess...Look I'm sorry" He blurted as he grabbed her arm stopping her from standing and walking away. "I'm sorry...what did you want to talk to me about?"

Jess settled herself back on the sofa as she considered how much harder it was to tell Adam than it had been to tell Nick. A small part of her didn't want him to know but she knew that wasn't realistic. Sure he was being a bit of a jerk right now but as she looked into his eyes she could still see the sweetness that had been there when they first met.

"I got laid off today."

"What...why?"

Jess recounted the story skimming over a few of the details that she had relayed to Nick, she tensed a little as he stared at her not feeling the same sense of relief that she had felt sharing her story earlier that afternoon. Adam's face was confused and questioning, he was looking at her as though she was making it up and it threw her off as she continued to verbally unfold the events of the day.

"Jeez Jess that sucks, I don't know what to say."

Apparently he really didn't know what to say as lengthy silence fell over them. She could see him thinking, he looked as though he was trying to put together the right words so she waited patiently.

"So you called Nick first?"

"What?" Jess flinched, taken aback by his question.

"Nothing, forget it"

"That's all you have to say to me right now?" Jess could feel anger bubbling up in her throat, making her eyes sting.

"No Jess I'm sorry I didn't mean I just...I'm sorry about everything. I really am."

He leaned forward to kiss her cheek firmly as her face turned away from him slightly, her eyes squinting as his lips met her cheek. He cracked a large smile and settled back in his seat picking up the remote control again, already forgiving himself for his slip up expecting her to follow suit no doubt.

"You can get a new job Jess, there are a bunch of other schools in this district. What do you say I get you a glass of wine?"

"Sure" Jess mumbled with her eyes cast down to the floor, chewing her tongue at the side of her mouth as Adam walked away from the conversation.


	11. Chapter 11

Jess sat at her empty desk staring blankly at the neatly packed cardboard box which sat atop it. The kids had left thirty minutes ago, some of them had hugged her, some of them had thrown her a high five, some of the more shy kids offered a small wave but they had all thanked her in their own way. She hadn't made a big deal out of her last class, for her sake more than theirs, the normality helped her to hold it together. Now, sitting on her own in an empty classroom, her life felt anything but normal. Her colleagues had taken her for a long lunch and plied her with gifts but it all felt so awkward to her, she felt like she should have been celebrating something when all she wanted to do was go home and cry. As she felt the tears welling up again she pushed her chair back and picked up her box, she took one last look around, the room still full of the projects she had thought up and she headed for the door. She had said her goodbyes and quite frankly she couldn't take any more so she made haste to the exit praying she wouldn't bump into anybody on the way out.

As she walked out she didn't stop to look back, what was the point? It was over now. She didn't really know what to do with herself, she hadn't planned this part. She hurried down the steps almost tripping over the person who was sitting bang in the middle of them, she thought she had narrowly avoided kicking them in the back but as she saw them stand up quickly and make a start for her she span round with a sigh and a pre-emptive apology so she could get away quickly.

"I'm sorry I didn't see...Nick?"

"Hey there"

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might need cheering up so...here I am Captain Cheer." He did a joke salute as he smiled at her, enough to try and cheer her up but not too much to be insensitive. He began to rummage round in the plastic bag he was carrying and started to mumble bashfully "I brought you some cupcakes, a Taylor Swift CD and a miniature bottle of wine...I wasn't sure which route you would wanna go down here."

Jess could feel that familiar sting pricking up behind her eyes again but as she looked at him standing in front of her there was more to the tears she wanted to cry in that moment. She felt an overwhelming closeness to him that she didn't quite know how to react to. For an English teacher who had always prided herself on being able to express herself reasonably articulately her words completely failed her. She tried to stay strong she really did but sooner or later she was going to have to blink and the tears would fall.

As he saw the tears start to roll down behind her glasses, he reached for the box she was carrying and took it from her placing it under his arm to rest on his hip as the bag of wine and cupcakes dangled freely from his wrist. His other hand reached behind her for the small of her back encouraging her to turn and walk with him. Moments later they found themselves sitting on the hood of Jess' car shoulder to shoulder, eating cupcakes and passing the small bottle of wine back and forth between them punctuating their dialogue with a stead gulps of the warming liquid.

"You're going to be ok Jess. Trust me."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. People like you deserve good things in life"

He buried his head and shoveled in more cupcake looking a little embarrassed at the things he was saying to her. She smiled so hard at him she could see her cheeks pushing her glasses up. Shifting a little under her gaze he tried to change the conversation.

"Hey Caroline in managing the opening of that new bar Apotheca tomorrow night and she has invited all you guys. You should come, it might be fun."

"Oh I would but I can't I have to go this corporate event with Adam and his firm"

"Oh ok never mind"

"I would come but it's kind of a big deal for him and he asked me last week."

"Jess it's no problem don't worry about it"

As a silence descended upon them Jess broke it softly, her voice suddenly becoming almost inaudible.

"I don't really want to go to be honest...all those professional people in suits taking about about how wonderful their careers are. It's the last thing I want to do right now, I'm going to feel so out of place but I promised I would go. People are going to ask about me...what I do for a living...it's humiliating"

"Where you are right now professionally is nobody's business but yours Jess. You'll be the smartest, most interesting person in that room and you have every reason in the world to hold your head up high ...don't let anybody tell you different ok?

"Thanks Nick"

"You're welcome"

"I mean for everything"

They held their fixed stare for a few moments before they both made a start on a second cupcake, giggling like school kids as their overzealous bites covered their faces in buttercream.

* * *

Jess looked in the mirror obsessively, hunching her shoulders trying to loosen and maneuver the dress which was clinging to her and showing more cleavage than she had ever seen in her life. Cece had sat somewhat patiently, rolling her eyes from time to time but as she had watched Jess wriggle around in her dress for twenty minutes it became too much.

"Jess would you stop, this is how the dress is supposed to look, you look ridiculously hot."

"I don't know Cece it's so tight and the neckline is just...it's so low I don't think I can pull this off."

Cece had taken Jess shopping earlier that day, she knew Jess was dreading her night out and needed a speedy confidence boost. She had seen Jess eyeing the now offending dress intently in the store but she had walked by it muttering something about not being sexy enough. when Jess had disappeared to the changing room, Cece wasted no time in picking it up and paying for it, promptly hiding it amongst all her other bags before Jess got back. After several looks of shock and horror mixed with gratitude when they had got back Cece had finally got Jess in the dress with some gentle persuasion and a reasonable amount of physical force.

Jess ran her hands over her hips and pulled at the neckline again and again before Cece gentle grabbed her hands forcing them by her sides.

"Jess you look beyond incredible trust me, you owe yourself this, now get out there"

"All the guys are out there"

"It's just Schmidt, Mike, Nick and Winston who cares."

Jess exhaled shakily as Cece handed over her bag.

"Ok?" Cece smiled

"Ok"

They guys stood around the kitchen laughing and sinking a few beers before their night out. It was their first night out together in a while and they were a little more excited than they would admit. Nick was glad to be back in the fold, he felt comfortable, he felt at home. As he lined up a row of shot glasses he started to fill them with Tequila when they guys erupted into chorus of 'wows' and wolf whistles.

As he turned to see what the commotion was about his gaze locked, his chest burned and his breathing stopped.

Jess could feel her nerves steadying a little bit at their reaction.

"Jess you look smokin'" Schmidt spluttered out with wide eyes.

"Yeah Jess you look really, really, really hot" Winston slurred finding it hard to keep his eyes on her face.

"Damn Jess!" Michael offered with a jaunty thigh slap

Nick stayed silent unable to tear his eyes away.

"Thanks guys" Jess smiled shyly as Cece nodded her head and smiled on like a proud mother.

Nick finally swallowed hard and expelled the breath he was holding, the noise of it sounded deafening in his head as he could feel the blood rushing round in his ears. Aware he had been staring at her for several minutes he cast his eyes to the floor as the redness is his cheeks burned down to his neck.

"You guys want a drink, we're getting the party started early over here!" Schmidt bellowed cheerfully.

"Sure yeah I could do with one." Jess nodded emphatically.

She walked towards the kitchen sliding past Nick, purposefully avoiding his gaze, his breathing sped up a little as he inhaled her perfume which wafted in the air. The conversation in the kitchen resumed as did the drinking, Jess wished she was going out with them instead but she had to be a supportive girlfriend. She said she would be there and she would. She knew Adam was picking her up at 7.30 and she could feel herself tensing more and more as the minutes clocked up on her phone, sure enough her heart sank a little when it rang and Adam's name flashed up. Why did she feel like this?

"Hey babe I'm in a cab downstairs"

"Ok I'll be right down."

She buried her phone in her bag and threw her small black jacket on and tried to ignore how much the fun and laughter around her was drawing her in.

"Ok I gotta go now guys, have a good night"

After a chorus of indecipherable goodbyes she picked up her bag and started for the door when she felt a warm hand pull at her upper arm as she turned to face Nick who was looking at her in a way that made her body forget how to do the simplest things like blink, swallow, breathe. He paused for what felt like a lifetime before he spoke softly trying to disguise his words in the din of the background noise.

"You look beautiful Jess"

"Thank you" she breathed, struggling to get the words out as his eyes bore into her, his hand still grasping her arm and the heat of his hand seering her skin.

Reluctantly she turned and walked out the door, his eyes following her until she was no longer in sight.

Things were changing.


	12. Chapter 12

As Jess entered the hotel lobby she could see swarms of tuxedos and sparkly dresses descending upon the rather grandly decorated function room. She felt Adam squeeze her hand which she silently thanked him for. He beamed at her casually looking pretty proud to have her on his arm, he was in his element, she could see it in his face and in his posture which had suddenly become very upright with his chest puffing out. Jess had an idea what these events were like from dating Russell but even she hadn't quite anticipated the formality of this. As she did a scan of the room taking in the attire of all the other women she found herself fidgeting in her dress again, then she remembered the way Nick looked at her and what he had sat and she felt her body relax a little. She snapped herself back into focus as she felt Adam's hand trailing up her arms from behind to help her with her jacket, he was a gentleman, she could never fault him on that.

As they headed towards a long table laid out with hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne people started to recognise Adam and stopped to engage him in conversation, she got her introductions but that was as far as it went. Most of it was business talk she couldn't understand so she just smiled politely throwing Adam the occasional supportive glance. As they finally made it across the room Jess reached for the champagne a little too eagerly, immediately taking great pleasure as the bubbles slid down her throat.

"Sorry about all that business talk back there, these nights always start off like this but everyone will loosen up soon trust me and I'll be by your side all night don't worry."

"It's ok Adam, this is what we're here for I don't mind."

"You're the best ...and might I add the most beautiful woman in the room tonight."

She smiled as he leaned into her and kissed her cheek reverently.

"Come on I wanna show you off some more"

She allowed herself to be lead away into the crowd clutching her glass tightly.

* * *

As they arrived outside the bar Nick signaled subtly to Caroline who was just inside the entrance, he didn't want to make a scene in front of the people who had queued for two hours, it was usually Schmidt who took care of this stuff. As he caught her eye she smiled widely an walked towards the velvet rope unhooking it allowing the guys to skip excitedly past her while Nick stopped to kiss her on the lips.

"Hi, well don't you look all handsome"

"Yeah I let Schmidt dress me, I let him do it once a year to keep him happy."

"Well you should let him more often you look great...Listen I'll be done out here in about an hour I'll come and find you ok"

"Ok you want me to get you a drink or anything?"

"We can't all drink on the job Nick" She laughed before they were interrupted by some twenty year old with a headset and a clipboard.

Nick nodded his head and turtled his face as he turned to go inside looking back at Caroline who was back in full work mode now. Nick spotted the guys who were already comfortably propped up against the bar fleecing the bar staff for as many drinks as they could before the free bar stopped. Nick quickly realised this place wasn't really his scene but then again these places rarely were, everyone was always so concerned with how they looked and how they compared to everyone else that they forgot to have a good time. Give him a whiskey and a little bit of conversation in a dank old bar any day he thought. Still he was grateful to be out with the guys, it had been a while, he knew they would all be trying to land girls in a place like this but he was happy to play the wingman for a couple of hours if he got to spend some time with them.

* * *

As the desserts arrived Jess found herself engrossed in conversation with the wife of one of the partners who had a penchant for neat gin and grotesque sense of entitlement, still she had seemed to take a liking to Jess and hadn't recoiled in horror when Jess had calmly explained to a stranger for the first time about being unemployed. Jess listened politely as the lady discussed her most recent skiing holiday while Adam was busy schmoozing her husband on the other side of her. She had glanced at him once or twice hoping he would sense her need for relief from her new friend but he remained oblivious. After another fifteen minutes when the gin finally kicked in and she was saved by a bathroom break she turned to find an empty seat next to her as Adam had gravitated to another table. She figured she shouldn't interrupt him, not least because there would be nowhere for her to sit and she would be left hovering behind him like an idiot. The waiter appeared, perhaps sensing her irritation and refilled her glass with more champagne which she threw back gladly, Adam offered her a quick wave as he caught her eye which she pretended she hadn't seen.

A while later she could hear his voice above all the others coming from that table, that usually meant he was getting drunk, very drunk so she knew she was in for something of a Jekyll and Hyde situation. She should have rescued him to stop him from making a fool of himself in front of his peers but she could bring herself to stand up, he had left her on her own for an hour and she was bordering on furious, she hadn't even wanted to come and now she was sitting on her own surrounded by a table full of people who had found nothing better to talk about than the horse power of their cars. As another gentlemen joined the table to sit in the vacant seat next to her she was prepared to be bored by him also until he got her attention.

"Come on dad enough of the car talk huh...you know you'll exchange it next week anyway...hey sorry about my dad once you get him started on something it's hard to shut him up you know"

As Jess raised her head from her champagne glass she realised the new table guest was directing his conversation at her. The others had busied themselves in their huddle group again as the new guy thrust a hand in her direction enthusiastically.

"Hi I'm David"

"Jess"

"So what brings you here Jess, and why are you stuck as a table with my Dad and his golf buddies?...I don't recognise you from the firm"

"No I'm not I'm here with my boyfriend Adam...he's just talking to a few people."

"I don't think I would leave a lady like you sitting on your own if I were him" David smiled and gestured to the waiter to top up Jess' glass. She smiled at him, he was cheesy and talking to her for all the wrong reasons but she was glad to pass the time with someone whilst Adam was otherwise engaged.

* * *

Nick caught site of Caroline wading her way through the crowd already offering apologies before she was even in ear shot.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I got held up it's crazy out there"

"Well that's a good thing right?...I mean that it's busy and all"

Nick kissed her and quickly leaned towards the bar to get her a drink.

"Nick I told you I can drink tonight jeez"

"Sorry I thought you were done and you might want to relax"

"Sorry I'm just a little stressed, this all has to go perfectly."

"It will, it already is"

Nick could tell that she wasn't listening to him, his opinion never really had that much affect on her, he had come to realise that, she would often give him that 'you're just a bartender look.' Even if it was sound advice she seemed to need to hear it from someone else before she would act on it. He wasn't quite sure what she needed him there for but as her arm snaked around his waist and she leaned into him he figured that was it, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders hugging her into him. Every now and again they would have these truly affectionate moments but they were becoming fewer and farther between now which was confusing for both of them, they weren't really sure what they needed from each other anymore. As he slowly started to relax into her the twenty-something with the headset reappeared whispering something to Caroline he couldn't hear and gesticulating wildly.

"Oh shit, Nick I gotta go and take care of this"

He didn't know what 'this' was but he nodded sympathetically

"Can I help?"

"No, no you just stay here. I'll be right back"

* * *

Adam was aware he was leaning a little too close to his boss now so he settled his palm flat on the seat of his chair pushing himself upright, he had definitely had more than enough to drink now but his boss kept filling him up and it would have been poor form for him to refuse. Apparently he didn't have the sturdy, seasoned liver the fifty year old had. He breathed in and widened his eyes trying to sober up a little as he heard Jess erupt in laughter from the other table, squinting his eyes into focus he looked over to see that the older lady Jess had been talking to had been replaced by David Watkins Jnr no less.

Jess' night had improved a little since David joined her, he was harmless enough and he had made her laugh while her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Just as she was getting more relaxed David's eyes rose above her head as he moved his hand past her to offer someone a handshake.

"Adam it's good to see you again, I was just keeping your lovely lady here company."

"Is that right?" Adam's shook his hand respectfully but his face was stern. "That's mighty nice of you Dave but I'm back now so you can leave."

"Adam!" Jess gasped as she rose from her seat.

"Ah I'm sorry I didn't mean to tread on any toes here" David held up his hands in surrender as he slowly started to back away. "Jess it was lovely to meet you and I hope to see you again. You guys have a great evening."

"David I'm sorry about..."

But he was gone. Jess turned to Adam gently pushing him in the chest.

"What the hell was that?"

"You tell me Jess?"

"You know what forget it...you're drunk I'm not doing this now...I wanna go home"

"I can't just leave Jess!"

"Well I think you should if you wanna keep your job...you're making a fool out of yourself. I'm leaving so come with me or don't...I don't care."

"Why the hell are YOU so pissed off?" He yelled at her but she was already out the door.

He followed after her begrudgingly, she knew he was trailing behind so she sat in the cab with the door left open purposefully looking intently out the other window in the opposite direction to him. He flopped in the cab and slammed the door shut turning to stare at Jess who continued to ignore him.

"Where to guys?" the taxi driver chipped in.

"Apotheca...Downtown" Adam barked before Jess had a chance to get her words out.

"What are you doing? I said I wanted to go home."

"I said I would would meet Mike and you seem to enjoy showing off that dress of yours tonight so why the hell not."

* * *

Nick was perched on the end of a booth narrowly avoiding the amorous couple behind him using him as a leaning post while they made out. The guys had slowly started to flock back to him one by one as they struck out with their respective girls. Schmidt had worked pretty much the entire room while Winston preferred to pick one and put in the hard graft. Mike's approach had been to pull girls on the dance floor and just see what happened, ultimately that was nothing and he could see him staggering back over to the group with somebody draped round his shoulders. As he looked more closely he noticed who it was and promptly stood to see if Jess was following behind them.

The club was dimly lit but first he caught the shimmer of her dress and then the rest of her and she charged past Adam and Mike towards him. He could see instantly that there was something wrong, her jaw was clenched and her brow furrowed into a frown that completely changed her face. Adam seemed oblivious or was ignoring her, one or the other. Either way he obviously wasn't being much help to her right now so Nick walked over to meet her half way.

"Hey what are you doing here?"

"Adam wanted to come, I just want to go home" She lowered her head bringing her hand up to her head, her fingers trying to smooth out the creases in her brow.

"Hey, hey, hey Jess what's the matter?" Nick gently grabbed her wrist pulling it down so he could try and read her face.

As she opened her mouth to answer him Adam wandered over throwing his arm heavily around Jess' shoulders causing her to flinch.

"Hey who wants a drink? I'm buying"

"I think you've had enough" Jess tried to whisper in his ear which he immediately took great exception to.

"Oh I don't think I've had nearly enough. We're supposed to be having fun right? I'm having fun. Nick's having fun..." He jokingly punched Nick in the shoulder, perhaps a little too hard as Nick looked on incredulously.

"...And YOU, you were sure as hell having plenty of fun, right Jess?" Adam sneered.

"I don't have to listen to this"

Jess made a move to leave but Adam grabbed her elbow spinning her back round so hard she bumped into his chest. Nick had seen enough. He didn't know what had happened he didn't care. He took a step towards Adam forcing himself between him and Jess and he placed the tips of his fingers on Adam's chest pushing him away.

"Oh here we go, look who's coming to your rescue!" Adam jeered, laughing at Nick's display of aggression.

"I don't know what's going on here man but I don't care you touch her like that again and I'll..."

"You'll what Nick?"

"Come on Adam let's go get some air" Michael chimed in suddenly sounding very sober as he tried to diffuse the situation.

"No I'm staying right where I am."

"Fine I'll go" Jess spat. "Nick can you take me home?"

"Sure let's get out of here" They turned to leave but Adam wasn't quite done yet.

"Oh there she goes leaving with another guy, see I was right, put her in a slutty dress for the evening and she's anybodies!"

Nick didn't think, there was no time to. As he listened to Adam's tirade he could feel the blood boiling from his feet up to his head, he could feel flashes of energy shooting down his arms to his hands which were clenched painfully and before he knew that energy took hold as his arm swung round heavily and his fist connected hard with Adam's face.


	13. Chapter 13

Nick stood flexing his hand while Michael and Schmidt held Adam back as he tried to lunge forward. As Nick looked on at the scrambling mess of limbs that were lurching in his direction he thought it best to make an exit before things escalated. It wasn't really conventional for a man to take a punch without at least trying to throw one back and from the look on Adam's face there was no way he was bucking that trend. Nick had made his point, he never intended to get into a fight. With Adam somewhat restrained he took a moment to take in his surroundings and the countless faces that were now turned in his direction, including Caroline who looked less than impressed. He had to get out of there fast. He mumbled his apologies to Jess and grabbed his jacket turning to leave.

Relieved at Nick's choice to walk away, Michael and Schmidt loosened their grip on Adam, evidently a little too soon as he grabbed the back of Nick's shirt spinning him around before he had the chance to make his exit. Adam's fists started to fly frantically at Nick's face but luckily his inebriation hadn't done much for his aim and Nick managed to dodge the first few hits until the last one clipped him hard across the right cheekbone. As Nick fell to the floor Adam cowered over him ready for more, pausing only when Jess lodged herself in the middle of them forcefully.

"Adam stop, stop it!" Jess yelled, a little on edge that Adam's fist which was still clenched and raised in the air.

Adam backed off still seething through gritted teeth as Nick scrambled to his feet pressing the back of his hand to his cheek which he could feel was bleeding. Jess stood in the middle of them exasperated and unsure of her next move.

"Adam go home" Jess said quietly but sternly, trying not to cry.

"He started this Jess, you know he did"

"Come on man let's just go" Michael reasoned as he moved to stand behind Adam pushing him towards the exit, veering him carefully past Nick and Jess. Adam controlled his breathing and glanced back at Jess knowing he had gone too far. She wasn't even looking at him, her eyes were focused only on Nick. As she tentatively raised her hand towards Nick's reddened cheek she found herself being jostled out of the way by a fierce looking Caroline. Paying no regard to the fact that Nick was hurt Caroline simply bent down to pick his jacket up off the floor and thrust it hard against his chest causing him to stumble backwards a little.

"Get out Nick. Right now!"

"Caroline I'm sorry it just got a little out of hand."

"A little out of hand Nick? How do you think it looks that the boyfriend of the event manager just started a brawl in the middle of the club? You might be used to this kind of behavior at Clyde's but I will not have it here do you understand me, I will not let you embarrass me now get out"

Nick lowered his head in defeat, he didn't have the energy to argue any more so he threw his jacket on and left abruptly, the back of his hand pressed tightly against his now swollen cheek. Jess bolted after him as he disappeared into the crowd but by the time she finally got to the exit she was met only by two vacant looking doormen.

* * *

As Schmidt, Winston and Jess arrived back at the loft they breathed a sigh of relief, glad that Mike had the good sense to take Adam back to his place, they'd had enough drama for one night. Winston and Schmidt turned to Jess who had been silent the whole way home but were met by the back of her head as she disappeared to the bathroom. Baffled by the evenings events they both sunk down heavily into the couch sighing at each other intermittently.

As she removed her dress and hung it on the back of the bathroom door she ran the material in between her fingers choosing to think only of the nice sentiment it had been for Cece to buy it for her, but as her mind flashed back to the way Nick had looked at her in it she felt her skin get hot and just like that he was all she could think about again. She stepped into the shower and turned it on, letting the warm water wash over her back relaxing her muscles. She wondered where Nick was, she had tried to call him for half an hour after they left the club but there was no answer, she hated thinking of him on his own, especially when he was hurt, it made her heart break. She knew she should be thinking of Adam right now, still her mind wandered effortlessly back to Nick again and again. Things had been changing between them ever since he moved out and it had been difficult for them to figure out, but his reaction in the club confused her more than ever. Nick wasn't a violent person, he never acted that way unless he was seriously provoked, unless someone touched a nerve.

She pressed her thumbs into her forehead trying to ease the dull ache that had taken residence there all evening, trying desperately to switch her mind off just for five minutes. She shut off the water and got out to stand in front of the bathroom mirror. She felt like she should be seeing war wounds on her face from the night she'd had but her smooth, unblemished complexion was deceptive. Still she looked at the mascara smudges round her eyes and her bangs frizzing out from the steam and it was a stark contrast to the girl she had seen staring back at her earlier in the evening. She allowed a few tears to escape before she wiped her eyes with a cotton pad and and scraped her hair back into a ponytail throwing on her most comfortable pajamas, the closet thing to a hug in fabric form.

Schmidt had retired, uncharacteristically exhausted from all the drama as Winston waited patiently to check on Jess. As he saw her emerge from the hallway he couldn't help but notice how small she looked, he could tell she had been crying and he had never been great at consoling crying women but this was Jess and she was in pain so he took and deep breath in and braced himself. As she sat next to him, a little closer than usual, he could tell she needed to talk or perhaps just sit with him, he wasn't sure. He was in the dark as to what had happened with her and Adam and he sure as hell couldn't figure out what was going on between her and Nick which left him a little stuck on what it was he was supposed to say. So he kept it simple.

"How you doin Jess?"

She shrugged, pouting her mouth slightly and adjusting her glasses to hide the fact that there were still tears in her eyes.

"You know you can talk to me if you want...I know a lot went down tonight and I didn't understand a lot of it but I can listen."

"Thanks Winston" She leaned further against his arm which was draped around her, stretched along the back of the sofa. "I don't know what happened, I've never seen Nick like that before, he looked so angry."

"So it's Nick you want to talk about right now?" He was met with silence as Jess lowered her head a little embarrassed. "Look Jess, I've known Nick for a long time and he's not that great at expressing himself verbally...so he does it in other ways. The longer you know him the more you start to pick up on the little things he does to show he cares about someone."

"So you're saying..."

"He cares about you Jess...a lot. Now punching Adam probably wasn't the smartest move tonight but there ain't no way he was going to let somebody talk to you like that. None of us would."

She smiled at him warmly, touched by the sentiment before a doleful look overtook her face once more "I just don't want to see him get hurt because he did something stupid"

"Yeah well that's just it, these 'little' things he does, he doesn't always think them through. I mean come on Jess...he missed his flight last Christmas to take you to go see the lights remember, and you know he used to skip classes to help his dad at the race track just to spend time with him, hell last week he bailed on his only shot with the loan officer to..."

Winston stopped dead in his tracks hoping Jess hadn't noticed but as she turned to face him pushing up her glasses and looking at him expectantly he knew that was too much to hope for.

"Loan officer...what loan officer?"

"Ah nothing it was just an example"

"Winston what are you talking about?"

"Nothing Jess it was just...it's nothing."

"Winston?"

Winston sighed closing his eyes, picturing the wrath he would have to deal with for letting this slip. He was the only person Nick had trusted with the information so there was no way to deny it. Taking a deep breath and praying for some sort of divine intervention Winston slowly started to speak.

"Nick managed to get an appointment with a loan officer last week to see about getting the money to start up his own his own bar and I guess it was all looking pretty hopeful but ..."

"But what?"

"He missed it"

"What?...why?"

Winston was silent and gave Jess an empathetic look urging her to figure it out so he wouldn't have to say it. Jess closed her eyes and breathed out a heavy breath of air as she put the pieces together.

"Because of me...he missed it because of me."

"Look Jess he's a grown man it was his choice" Winston started to ramble but it was too late she was already out of her chair heading for her bedroom. "Jess what are you doing?

"I gotta go find him"

He could hear her rummaging around in her room when moments later she emerged in jeans and a sweater. She wriggled her feet into her pumps and grabbed her purse.

"Jess you don't even know where he is"

"I have an idea" and with that she was gone leaving Winston alone growling curse words to himself.

* * *

It had been a pretty quiet night at Clyde's, it was just Big Bob and Steve behind the bar which left the small staff room conveniently vacant for Nick to escape and collect his head and work out why the hell he had reacted the way he did. He sat sprawled on the old brown couch with his head lolling against the back cushion as he rolled a bottle of cold beer over his swollen cheek. He'd swear this night had actually started out pretty good. As thoughts of Jess, Adam and Caroline flashed through his head he groaned throwing one arm over his eyes. Suddenly his head snapped upright as a familiar voice broke the silence of the room.

"So here you are"

"What are you doing here Jess?" Nick sighed exhaustedly sitting forward, placing his head in his hands.

"I could ask you the same thing"

"Well...something tells me I'm not entirely welcome at my apartment tonight."

Jess couldn't argue, she had seen the look on Caroline's face as she thrown her own boyfriend out of the club. As a silence coated them and Nick continued to run the beer bottle against his forehead with his eyes closed, Jess edged towards the couch and sat down next to him. She sat bolt up right with her arms straight and her palms pressed together between her knees, she was strangely unsure how to behave around him, unsure what to say to make them both comfortable with one another again.

"Nick what happened tonight?"

"I don't know Jess...I saw the way he was treating you and something snapped. I didn't like it."

"Look Nick I'm grateful you were defending me but that doesn't mean I want to see you get hurt for nothing."

"Yeah well...it wasn't nothing to me Jess it was...something."

"Nick..."

"Look, whatever Jess let's just forget it ok. Shouldn't you be checking on your boyfriend anyway."

Nick stood to walk over to the fridge as Jess' sullen eyes followed him. He grabbed for another beer pressing the fresh ice cold bottle against his cheek again.

"I don't want to see him right now. I needed to know you were ok."

"Jess I'm fine you don't have to worry about me all the time!" He raised his voice, flinching as the sudden movement of his face aggravated his wound.

"Nick, you're bleeding, let me take a look."

"It's nothing"

"Nick!"

She walked towards him reaching for his face pushing it gently to one side so she could see the damage Adam had done. She backed him up towards a stool next to the bar in the kitchen pressing his shoulders firmly, forcing him to sit down, which he did begrudgingly huffing out a sigh of exasperation before he hit the seat.

"First Aid Kit?"

"Underneath the sink" he muttered dabbing the sleeved of his shirt against his face to soak up the blood. As she walked back to him, first aid kit in hand, she pulled his arm away from his face setting the box on the bench next to them. As she rummaged around to inspect its contents Nick took advantage of the opportunity to stare at her close up, something he was rarely afforded. She didn't have an ounce of makeup on her face and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. As he stared into her eyes he noticed they were a little bloodshot, she had been crying, over Adam he supposed. With that thought he took a glug of beer willing it to numb him but but it didn't work, he was very aware of his proximity to her and the effect it was having on his body. His face was hot and his heart was thudding so loudly he was positive she could hear it or feel it pulsing in the air around her. Just as he was about to stand and walk away there she was standing in between his thighs, his knees on either side of her hips. She gently placed her right index finger under his chin and raised his head slowly. Their eyes met for just a moment before she moved to dab a cotton ball covered in ointment against his cheek.

She could feel his eyes burning into her as she cleaned up his face. Her chest was heaving so much the breaths she was forcing out were laboured and shaky and she knew he could hear it, feel it, he had to know the effect this closeness was having on her. She was precise with her movements careful not to graze his skin with her hand. His legs had tensed when she had first stood in front of him, springing away from her body, but now as he relaxed they were pressing more and more firmly into her hips. She could feel his breath on her cheek as she leaned her head slightly to the side continuing to tend to him.

As she leaned toward him to press the tape strips on to his cheek she heard his breathing hitch causing her eyes to flicker across his. As her fingers pressed gently against his cheekbone she allowed her hands to trail down either side of his face as she lowered her arms. Catching her wrists before her hands fell away, he stared at her, his chest and shoulders rising and falling as his lungs worked hard. She splayed her fingers on his face feeling his rough stubble underneath her soft skin, her heart was thumping in her chest as she saw him look down at her lips. His mouth moved agonisingly close to hers and she felt her eyes drift shut and her lips part slightly. Suddenly he was kissing her the world stopped.

When she didn't pull away Nick moved his mouth over hers more intently pushing his tongue gently into her mouth and exhaling heavily through his nose as he felt her respond. As the moment intensified Jess grabbed at the back of his shirt fisting it in her hands as she moved her mouth against his possessively. They breathed and moaned into each other wanting more and more. Nick wrapped his arm tightly around her waist as the other held the back of her head pushing her mouth harder against his own. She opened herself to him willingly letting his tongue sweep languidly over hers again and again, gripping the backs of his shoulders trying hard to steady herself. As the moment threatended to swallow them whole the world suddenly started turning again with a loud bang at the door.

They broke apart, staring at each other wide eyed and fighting for breath, their mouths wonderfully used. As the door banged again they took a step away from each other creating a little distance as Bob bent his head round the door. Bob paused momentarily knowing exactly what he had interrupted but knowing it was important he did.

"Caroline's out front man, she's pretty upset."

"Uh yeah ...thanks...yeah uh she's a little mad at me" Nick coughed, his words strangulated.

"No, I mean crying her eyes out man, you gotta get out here." Bob glanced at Jess sympathetically nodding at her slightly before he turned and pulled the door closed behind him leaving them alone again.

"Jess..." Nick took a small step towards her holding out his hand as if he was going to reach for her but she took a step back.

"I gotta go."

"No Jess wait!"

Before Nick could get to her she was out the door slipping out the back exit so she wouldn't have to face Caroline.

"Jess please!" Nick yelled out the door after her but she was gone.


	14. Chapter 14

Nick sat on the cold plastic chair clutching a crappy cup of coffee in a polythene cup, he grimaced at every sip but the caffeine kick was a welcome thing. He stared incessantly at the door he had been sitting opposite for an hour and a half waiting for a Caroline and her Mom to come through it, he wasn't family so he hadn't been allowed in. He had spent the first twenty minutes after he got there straining his neck trying to hear what was going on behind the door to no avail. This is how Nick had spent most of his childhood, listening to arguments and serious conversations through closed doors and muffled voices knowing he was never going to get the full story but knowing he was going to be expected to step up nonetheless. That's exactly what he was going to have to do now, step up and support Caroline and be there for her like any boyfriend would, but the truth was he couldn't get Jess out of his mind. Everytime he closed his eyes he could see her face and remember the feel of her lips on his, the thought alone made his chest tight and his toes curl. The guilt he felt for thinking about her was crushing but she wasn't a girl that a guy could easily get out of his head, especially when he'd finally had her in his arms just a few hours ago. But the painful truth was, right now he had to let this go, let her go. He wanted to call or her or even just text her but he knew he had to talk to her face to face, he had to make her understand because if he didn't he was going to lose her for good.

* * *

Jess had given up trying to sleep, it was almost four in the morning as she sat on the window ledge slowly sipping a cup of tea. She wished she hadn't run away from him but she had no choice, she couldn't stay with Caroline there. With the blood coursing through her veins the way it had been she would have given it all away for sure so she had to leave. Her phone buzzed repeatedly but she ignored it knowing it wasn't the person she wanted it to be, she was in no mood for Adam's drunken groveling tonight, she would face him tomorrow when she had her head a little more straight. On the tenth ring she turned it off throwing it hard on to her bed and leaned her head back against the cool, hard wall. As she stared out the window reflectively she brought her hand briefly and softly to her mouth remembering how it had felt to kiss him, she had never felt that way before and it was terrifying. No matter what happened how the relationship between her and Nick had changed forever.

Jess awoke the next morning to sounds of muffled yet somewhat raised voices coming from down the hall. Schmidt had many different colours to his personality and voices to match each one of them and she could tell when he was being firm and resolute. She knew he was talking to Adam, she knew he would show up at the loft when she hadn't returned his calls. As much as she wanted to stay in bed and sleep the day away she knew she had to go and face him and she had to rescue Schmidt, it wasn't his fight.

She pulled herself out of bed trudging over to her bedroom door, one hand on the door knob and the other pressed flat against its cool surface, allowing herself a moment to prepare and collect her thoughts. As she pulled the door open Adam was more audible now she could hear him trying to reason with Schmidt who was having none of it. As she rounded the corner from the hallway she could see Schmidt standing firm with one hand on the door and the other on the door frame, his legs wide apart not giving Adam an inch. She could see Adam's worried, pleading face which was quickly drawn to hers as she came to stand behind Schmidt. She rested her hand gently on Schmidt's shoulder giving him a nod of reassurance as he relaxed his arms dropping them to his side, he threw Adam one last look of disdain before retreating to his bedroom, making sure Jess knew that's was where he was if she needed him.

As soon as Schmidt was gone Jess turned her back to Adam without saying a word and walked over to the couch leaving the front door open behind her for him to follow her like a dog with its tail between its legs. He sat down shifting uncomfortably, unsure of how close to her he was allowed to sit, as he looked at her she had her head lowered in disappointment and her palms pressed together between her knees offering him nothing. She could see him struggling to get his words out but she remained quiet and sat patiently until finally he broke the silence.

"Jess I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say I was drunk and I was an idiot and I never should have treated you like that...I just...I don't want to lose you Jess and I will do anything to make up for this, anything. Just name it and I'll do it."

"Nobody has ever spoke to me like that Adam."

"I know, I know, it was disgusting and I'm so ashamed of myself it's just, I don't know I get so jealous sometimes and I don't handle it all that well especially when I've had a couple of drinks."

"I was just talking to David, you can't flip out every time a talk to a guy."

"It wasn't David I was jealous of."

Jess swallowed hard as her face started to heat up, she was sure Adam would be able to see it written all over her face and he would figure out that she had kissed Nick. She lowered her head again and raised her hand pretending to adjust her glasses as she shielded the embarrassment on her face.

"Look Adam..."

"I know it's ridiculous, I just feel likes he gets this part of you that I don't, that maybe I never will and that scares me a little but that's my insecurity Jess and I'll deal with it. I know that you and Nick are just friends, I know that now. I just want you to forgive me Jess, please forgive me because I really want to make this work. I will apologise to Nick to I swear, I know he didn't deserve it and I'll make it right with him too."

Jess looked at the sincerity in his face and her heart ached for him a little but she knew what she had to do.

* * *

Nick was working on autopilot at the bar, he had dropped Caroline at her mother's and come straight to work and the lack of sleep was really catching up with him now, even the regulars knew to keep their distance from him today. The one luxury he had was that it was the first time he had been truly alone since yesterday morning and he had some time to breathe and think, at least that was the plan anyway but he was exhausted so his focus was a little off and his mind just kept drifting idly back to Jess. He was still finding it hard to process what had happened between them and he knew he needed to talk to her but as simple as it had all been for those few moments they had kissed, it had all become equally as complicated now. As Nick's mind wandered trying to figure out what he was going to say to Jess he knocked a row of shot glasses crashing to the floor, snapping his attention brutally back to earth. He sighed grabbing for the dust pan and brush as he knelt down on one knee to clear up the mess groaning and ranting to himself. As he rose to his feet checking he hadn't cut himself on any of the glass his eyes were drawn immediately to the bright yellow dress behind the bar which hadn't been there a couple of minute ago, and then swiftly to the bright blue eyes of the woman wearing it.

As they stared at each other the whirlwind of tension stirred back up taking them back to where they had been the night before, it took all Nick's power not to jump over the bar and pull her into his arms again. She looked so nervous he desperately wanted to go to her but he knew he had to be careful, he had to deal with all of this in the right way.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second" Jess asked hushing her voice so the people around wouldn't suspect anything, not that it mattered.

"Sure, let's go..." He pointed behind the bar with both hands encouraging her to follow him as he whispered something quickly in Bob's ear on the way.

The walked back into the room where they had fallen into each other's arms hours ago and Nick was trying desperately to read her face and figure out what she was thinking, the silence was killing him so he steeled himself ready to speak when Jess beat him to the punch and began to unleash everything that had been on her mind for the past twenty four hours.

"I broke up Adam this morning and it was, not entirely, but in large part because of you, because of last night. Look Nick I don't know what it meant to you or for us but I know I've never felt that way before Nick and I would like to try and find out what it means, what's going on between us."

"Jess..."

"I'm not assuming anything Nick I just think we both need to take some time alone to figure this out."

"Jess...I can't."

He immediately edged towards her as he saw her face crumble.

"Jess it's not that I don't want to it's just I have to be with Caroline right now. Her Dad had a heart attack last night as he's in pretty bad shape and I just...I can't leave."

"Ok um ...I understand" Jess scratched the side of her head nervously as her eyes darted around the room desperately trying to avoid crying.

"No Jess please let me explain..."

"No Nick you don't have to, I get it. I do. I'm just gonna go, I shouldn't have said all that I'm sorry. Tell Caroline I'm sorry"

Before Nick could reach her once again she was out the door but this time he ran after her right to the front of the bar before she had the chance to get outside. He ran in front of her grabbing the tops of both her arms to stop her from running.

"Jess please wait I don't want to leave it like this. I don't want to lose you Jess. You have to understand that if things were different right now..."

"But they're not" Jess sniffed, trying so hard not to cry in front of him. She didn't want him to know how much this all meant to her. She just needed to get away. She wriggled gently out of his grasp and kissed him lightly on the cheek then she was gone.

Nick stood alone, watching her until she disappeared out of sight and piece by piece he could feel his heart slowly shattering.


	15. Chapter 15

Nick stood behind the bar idly checking his watch, in the last two weeks the routine of Nick and Caroline's day had become ingrained in his mind down to the last second. From the moment they woke to the moment they slept it was meticulously scheduled around visits to the hospital, Nick always dropping her off and picking her up while he went to work in between, never being allowed to go in with her. He hadn't actually seen Caroline's father since it happened, he had given Caroline small gifts to give to him but whether he ever received them Nick had no idea. He had become something of a crutch for Caroline but it was very much on her terms, there still seemed to be things she wanted to deal with alone, things she wouldn't let him in on. She never explained her father's condition to him very well, blaming it on all the medical terminology the doctors used that she didn't understand, all he knew is that it was bad. He never pushed her on it because she would just get upset but in general he couldn't help but think she actually seemed ok, she was sleeping, eating, going to work, it was Nick who seemed to upset her with his questions, so he had quickly learned to stop asking and let her take the lead.

When Nick wasn't with Caroline he was at the bar so he had still seen Schmidt and Winston here and there, a little less of Michael who had made himself more scarce from the bar of late, but the most notable absence was Jess. He hadn't see her at all in the past two weeks, all he got was a few lame excuses from Schmidt and Winston on her behalf. She had text him a couple of times to ask how Caroline's Dad was doing because that was Jess and she cared about people, but anything that deviated from that and he got no response. With Caroline dominating his attention he had found it hard to get away and see her but that's not say he hadn't tried. He had gone to the loft on his lunch breaks, he had called round at Cece's a couple of times, he had even stopped by her favourite cafe every morning but she was never there. He missed her so much he felt like he was walking around with his heart in a vice that squeezed just a little bit tighter with every day that went by without her. He wanted to go to her, to be with her so badly but if he walked out on Caroline now what kind of a man would that make him.

Still, he couldn't help that feeling of resentment that would creep in towards Caroline every now and then, Nick almost drove himself crazy wondering what would have happened between him and Jess at the bar if Caroline hadn't shown up that night. Would it have gone further? Would they have slept together? He had wanted to - so much. He would have taken her right there and then if he had got the chance and the most infuriating thing of all, the thing that got his blood boiling more than anything else was that she had kissed him back, she had wanted more from him too and there was nothing he could do about it.

Nick snapped himself out of it as he could feel his frustration rising and decided to channel his anger into throwing empty glass bottles into the recyling bin outside.

* * *

Jess stood in the kitchen staring into space, narrowly avoiding scalding her hand as she paid no attention to where she was pouring the water. She placed the kettle back on the counter and stirred her tea mechanically as she continued to focus on the same blank spot on the cupboard door, her eyes hazed over and a her face sporting a permanent frown that she couldn't seem to get rid of. Lost in her own head she failed to notice as Michael appeared behind her. Things had been a little strained between them since Jess broke up with Adam. Michael had been very kind and understanding with Jess and she couldn't have asked for anything more from him but that didn't change the fact that Adam was one of his best friends and she was now the ex. It never made for a winning combination.

"Penny for em..." Michael broke the silence tentatively but Jess still spun around in shock all the same, her palm quickly pressing flat against her chest and her mouth agape.

"Oh you scared me"

"Sorry I thought you would have heard me coming."

"Yeah I uh, I wasn't paying attention"

"Hmm I've noticed"

Jess lowered her head with embarrassment, Michael was very sweet but she couldn't open up to him, not about this so she tried to casually play it down.

"Sorry I know I've been a little distracted lately but with everything that's happened, things have been a little strange and with me not working I guess I've had too much time to think about...stuff"

"How's the job hunt going, any luck?" Michael retreated more than comfortably to the safety of the 'employment' conversation, he preferred to stay out of her dramas with Adam and truth was he did want to know that Jess was going to be ok, he still cared about her a lot in spite of everything.

"Well I have an interview on Thursday actually, it's teaching adults rather than kids but still it's a teaching job and lord knows I need to get back to it, so I guess we'll see"

"You'll be fine Jess, I can't believe you would ever bomb in an interview"

"Thanks Mike"

"No problem"

"I mean for everything"

As he looked at the sorrow in her big eyes and the sincerity on her face he knew he would find it impossible to ever hate Jess, he nodded his head to her shyly as he grabbed his lunch and headed off to work.

As Jess watched Mike leave, closely followed by Schmidt and Winston she found herself alone in the apartment once again and that familiar feeling of failure and sadness settled low in her stomach. Jess never like being on her own, sure she could take care of herself and had become fiercely independent over the years, but she liked company, she liked people around her to talk to and laugh with. Spending all day on her own was becoming tedious and it wasn't like she could even call into the bar anymore, things were too awkward with Nick since she had put herself on the line. She didn't know how to face him so she had just stayed away, knowing deep down that with every day that went by she was making it worse. It was typical that it would be her own bad damn luck that the one person she wanted to talk to about all of this was the one person she couldn't.

Nick had called and text her constantly but she had frozen every single time she tried to answer. He had turned up at the loft three days in a row knocking on the door and calling her name, talking to her as if he was positive she was there. She had been there, she had sat against the front door feeling him just inches away from her on the other side of it, terrified to open the door and see that look on his face again, that look that reminded her over and over again that he didn't want her. She figured he knew she was there, he would say things, things he wanted her to hear, things he wouldn't waste on a closed door to an empty apartment. She would hear a soft thud as he laid his forehead or hand against the door. Nick still had a key, he could have come in but he never did, he waited patiently for her to come back to him on her own terms but she wasn't ready. She knew she needed to find a way to be just friends with Nick again but so much had happened between them she didn't know if that would ever be possible.

* * *

Nick had hurried home from his early shift at the bar, he threw his keys on the table and quickly changed his shirt to get rid of the stale beer smell as he promptly headed for the door ready to go and meet Caroline at the hospital. Just as he collected his keys once again and reached out his hand for the handle, the door opened as Caroline bundled through the door. Nick backed up to let her through with a confused look creeping over his face.

"Hey what are you doing here, I was supposed to come meet you"

"Oh I uh, I went earlier today. Yeah I got off work a little early so I went at around 4 o'clock I guess"

"But the evening visiting hours don't start until 5, they let you go in"

"Uh...Yeah"

Caroline hurried past him disappearing into the kitchen and began pulling stuff out of the fridge to start preparing dinner, leaving Nick standing in the same spot next to the front door.

"So..."

"So what?" Caroline looked at Nick with a questioning look on her face as she threw the odd piece of pepper into her mouth and started to chop up the salad.

"So...how's your Dad doing"

"Oh yeah he's pretty much the same, he talked a little bit but he was exhausted so he was asleep most of the time"

Unsettled by her somewhat upbeat demeanor Nick pushed for more information, he was no longer content getting these half stories from her and being kept in the dark, it wasn't how a relationship was supposed to work.

"So what happens now...I mean what's next?"

"I'm not sure"

"You're not sure?"

"I don't know Nick it's all really complicated"

"Well didn't you talk to the doctor?"

"Of course I talked to the doctor Nick!" Caroline slammed the knife down on the counter and and raised one hand to squeeze at her forehead "Look I really don't appreciate all these questions Nick, you know how upsetting I find it. I've had a really long day and I just want to forget about it for ten minutes."

"Ok, ok I'm sorry" Nick walked towards her and pulled her hands down from her face as he wrapped his arms around her back. "I didn't mean to upset you" Nick exhaled loudly and placed one hand on the back of Caroline's head casting his eyes up to the ceiling as she held on to him resting her head against his chest.

As Nick was about to release her he felt her arms tighten around his waist as she raised her head and moved it slowly towards his. Before Nick could say anything her lips were on his moving quickly with intent. She ran her hands up his torso to his chest as she kissed him more feverishly, she began to unbutton his shirt as she back him up against the kitchen counter. This was the first time they had really kissed in the last couple of weeks, the last person to kiss him like this had been Jess. He could feel his muscles start to tense up as a feeling of panic started to rise in his throat. His lips continued to move against hers like he was on autopilot but his mind was trying to pull his body to the other side of the world, he couldn't do this, he didn't want it. Suddenly his body caught up with his head and he pressed his hands against her shoulders pushing her gently away. As she moved back towards him he caught hold of her again, keeping her in place.

"Caroline we can't do this!"

"What do you mean, of course we can" She started to move her face towards him again but he flinched backwards.

"No we can it's not...it doesn't feel right"

Caroline's face fell as she pulled her hands from his body and took a step backwards.

"Are you saying you don't want me?"

"It's not that it's just...it's just...you were upset and your vulnerable at the moment and I don't want to take advantage"

"Take advantage?...you're my boyfriend, how could you be taking advantage?"

"Look let's just take some time until things are a little less intense and you're feeling like yourself again and then..."

Nick daren't finish the sentence, he knew there was only one person he could imagine making love to ever again and it wasn't his girlfriend.

"Whatever Nick!" With that Caroline disappeared to the bedroom slamming the door behind her. Nick considered going after her but there was no point. When they fought she need at least 24 hours to calm down before he could speak to her rationally again and as sure as clock work Caroline emerged five minutes later with an overnight bag slung over her shoulder.

"What are you doing Caroline?"

"I'm staying at my Mom's tonight"

"Caroline this is stupid just stay here and we can talk about this"

"I don't want to talk Nick I made that perfectly clear. I don't want an evening of you and your inane questions"

"Caroline!"

"Don't bother calling me, I'll see you tomorrow"

Nick stared at the door which had just been very aggressively slammed in his face and closed his eyes in exhaustion as he shoulders slumped under the weight of his day, his week, his month. After a few moments he stormed towards the door angrily grabbing his jacket off the hook and headed out into the cool evening in the direction of the loft.

* * *

Nick marched his way to the loft as fast as he could, he shunned his car knowing that he would need a stiff drink when he got there. It was a Tuesday night, she had to be there, she had to. Part of him knew he should have gone after Caroline but he would have been fighting a losing battle with her tonight. Jess he could talk to and reason with, he was sure of it, he just had to make her understand.

With each step he could feel himself getting more anxious, he had told himself that if he could just explain that she would understand and then maybe they would be ok, maybe she would wait, but wait for what...for him? It wasn't fair of him to expect her to do that. He didn't know what was going to happen with Caroline, he couldn't just sit around waiting to get out of the relationship and expect Jess to be there for him six months or a year down the line. She deserved more than that. With that thought he suddenly realised he was standing outside the door to apartment 4D knocking hard before he had the chance to stop himself.

As Schmidt flung the door open grinning widely at the surprise of seeing his friend, Nick hesitated. He mumbled his hello to Schmidt, slowly stepping inside the loft and there she was sitting on the sofa clasping a mug of tea like he had seen her do so many times before and suddenly he felt guilty. He saw the look of panic on her face and realised he had given her nowhere to go, he didn't live there anymore and he had imposed on her in her home without any warning and suddenly he wanted to kick himself for being so selfish. He knew he should leave but he was so damn relieved to see her face he couldn't walk away. He followed Schmidt into the living room and sat down trying to be casual as Winston engaged him in some mundane conversation. As Schmidt handed him a beer he half listened to their conversation but he couldn't take his eyes off Jess. She wanted to get away he could see that, she looked so uncomfortable he just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything would be ok, that they would work this out but still he sat and stared, his breathing suddenly becoming an issue for him.

He took off his jacket and sat back in his seat trying to make it clear to Jess he was staying until they had spoken. He waited for her to join in the conversation but she never did, her eyes fixed to the bottom of her mug which had proved very fascinating for the last twenty minutes. He could see her feet twitching and he knew she was going to make a break for it, sure enough she placed the mug heavily down on the table and rose abruptly from the sofa. Jess didn't make it very far before Nick was out of his seat striding purposefully towards her. He grabbed her hand spinning her around completely disregarding the prying eyes of Schmidt and Winston behind him - they weren't stupid the knew something was going on with him and Jess they were just being polite in keeping their mouths shut.

"Jess wait, don't leave"

"I'm not ...I'm just going to take a shower" she tried to played it down but he could hear the nerves in her voice as she refused to look at him.

Jess felt like she was on fire at his touch, it traveled rapidly from her hand to her whole body setting every nerve on end making her pulse pound loudly in her ears. She stole a quick glance at his face and saw his eyes piercing into hers pleading with her to stay. The grip of his hand tightening as he spoke.

"Stay please, I really want to talk to you"

"I can't um...I have to meet Cece in an hour and I have to get ready so..."

Nick dropped his eyes in disappointment, she wasn't ready to forgive him or even talk to him it seemed.

"Jess please"

"Now isn't a good time Nick I need...I just need..."

What she needed she couldn't tell him because it was something she couldn't have. Her hand went cold as he pulled his arm away from hers letting it drop heavily back down by his side as he continued to stare at her breathing rapidly, his eyes glistening slightly before he quickly blinked it away. He nodded his head slowing in reluctant acceptance and he started to turn back to the living room.

"I guess I'll see you then"

"See ya" she whispered so quietly he didn't hear, if he did he didn't turn around. Jess walked hastily to the bathroom slamming the door behind her before she collapsed against it sinking to the floor and succumbing to the ever threatening flood of tears.


	16. Chapter 16

Jess hung up the phone and breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she allowed herself a small victory dance alone in her bedroom, as she started to lose her breath she dropped back on to her bed with a huge grin on her face. Eventually she sat up spritely and started to scroll through her phone for someone to call, as she worked her way down she was met with answering messages one after the other, it was Friday afternoon and everyone was at work or heading off somewhere for the weekend. After she tried her Mom with no success, she realised she was down to 'N', she hovered over his name for a few moments before she threw the phone back on her bed with a sigh and walked to the kitchen. She paced around thinking of what to do next when she spied a bottle of champagne on the shelf which she had gotten from Sadie for her birthday. 'What the hell' she thought, why shouldn't she celebrate. She popped the cork ceremoniously and poured herself a glass with a smile spread wide across her face. She raised her glass to nobody in a silent cheers and let the bubbles run down her throat with a contented hum.

* * *

Hours later, and prompted by several dozen texts from Cece - Schmidt, Winston and Mike had gladly congregated at Clyde's, all feeling very chipper after hearing Jess' good news. They piled up against the bar talking and laughing loudly so Nick spotted them immediately and raised hand to them signaling he would come over, he wondered why they all seemed to be in such a good mood but put it down to the fact it was Friday night. Once Nick had managed to get through a lengthy list of cocktails for the swarm of women that had surrounded him, he made a swift move to the other end of the bar where he was met with raucous laughter.

"Well you guys are in a good mood, what gives?"

"We're celebrating Nicholas, naturally"

"Oh yeah, what are we celebrating?"

"Didn't Jess call you?" Schmidt realised it was a stupid question the moment it left his mouth.

"Ah no she didn't"

"Well Miss Day is back in the teaching fold as of today and will no longer be the bra-less couch troll that we've come to know and love."

"She got a job?!...that's great" Nick was genuinely happy but he couldn't ignore the disappointment that she hadn't called him. She had called everyone else it seemed so it was a deliberate move which made it all the more painful.

"I'm sure she'll tell you all about it tonight" Winston offered sensing Nick's change in mood.

"Yeah...sure. So she's meeting you guys here?" Nick tried to contain himself but his face lit up at the prospect of seeing her, if she was coming to the bar that had to be a move in the right direction for them.

"Yeah, she was meeting Cece for a couple of victory drinks and then they said they would come on over" Winston saw Nick become positively giddy as he was mixing the drinks, but he had lived with Jess day and night since all this drama with Nick had started and he knew how hurt Jess was. Nick and Jess were on rocky ground and Winston knew that one small step in the wrong direction could make their relationship irreparable, tonight was going to get intense, he could feel it. With that he knocked back the whiskey Nick placed in front of him promptly requesting another one.

The guys left Nick to the other customers and retreated to an empty booth while they had the chance. An hour or so later after another couple of drinks and a distinct lack of food they started to feel the warming effects of the alcohol which inevitably led to louder voices and more salty conversation. Nick could hear them from behind the bar, Schmidt's sophisticated bellow was unmistakable and as he turned to see what the furore was about he saw Jess and Cece come spilling through the door looking a little unsteady on their feet and it was only eight o'clock. He glared at Jess hoping she would sense it and come over to the bar but as her eyes locked to the booth the guys were sitting at, he saw her disappear into the crowd. He was desperate to get away but the customers just kept on coming with the lists of drinks getting longer and longer as the evening went on. Every half an hour he would see a familiar face pop up at the bar for more drinks but it was never the face he wanted to see, Jess continued to sit with her back to him, leaning closely to Winston in deep conversation. His hawk-eyed approach was getting him nowhere, he needed to go and talk to her.

He rushed through the next few rounds spilling a good quota of alcohol on the bar in his haste and once he had managed to get the bar down to two deep he saw fit to try and take a break. He dumped the glasses he was holding behind the bar and threw the towel off of his shoulder, turning to exit the bar when something stopped him.

"Hey"

Nick turned to see Jess perched over the bar leaning on her elbows to make herself heard over the noise. As he moved to come face to face with her he leaned both palms flat on the bar to steady the shaking which had suddenly overcome them.

"Hey" he croaked out a little more unsteadily than he would have liked.

They stared at each other as another silence clouded over them but this time it was different, he saw a smile start to creep up at the corner of her mouth which she quickly contained before it lit up her whole face. Nick smiled back as a wave of relief washed over him.

"So I hear congratulations are in order"

"Yeah...I was going to tell you tonight but..."

"It's ok Jess I understand...I'm proud of ya"

Her smile was becoming a little harder to contain and it spread widely across her whole face, the awkwardness between them had thawed just a little bit and she allowed herself to relax into it, to try and enjoy his company again without thinking about everything that went wrong between them.

"So can I get you a glass of champagne?"

"I dunno I've had a lot already"

"Come on you're celebrating aren't ya?"

"Will you come over and have one with me?"

Nick paused as he tried to control the feeling bubbling up inside him, a feeling that was written all over his face.

"Sure...just give me two minutes and I'll be right over"

As Jess disappeared back into the crowd Nick turned to grab a bottle of champagne and a couple of glasses, he delved into his pocket for the crumpled up twenty he knew was in there and turned to put it in the register to keep Shane off his back. He made a break for it before anybody had the chance to squeeze in another drink order but as he turned to lower the hatch on the bar he felt two arms snake round his waist.

"Hey babe"

Nick's head snapped round as he heard Caroline's voice and his heart sank.

"Caroline...what are you doing here?"

"I just came for a drink with a couple of colleagues to wind down a little and it made sense to go somewhere with cute bar staff"

She gave his butt a playful squeeze, seemingly over the arguments they had been having all week, or at least very good at pretending she was to her nosey colleagues who stood in earshot a couple of feet away from them.

"Caroline I..."

"Ooh champagne...perfect. Can I take this?" She was already pulling the bottle and glasses away from his hand as she spoke and handed them to the two haughty looking women standing behind her who offered no word of thanks.

"Are you leaving for a break?...Why don't you come sit with me...I missed you today"

"I don't know I have to..."

"Oh come on Nick just five minutes"

She pulled his hand and led him behind her as she tried to find the nearest place to sit. Nick found himself pulling at her hand as she started to stray towards the booth where all the guys were sitting but it was too late, Caroline had spotted them and was bolting over excitedly trailing Nick reluctantly behind her. He closed his eyes and hung his head as he listened to Caroline greet them all and successfully flat line what had been a pretty jovial atmosphere. Schmidt and Winston feigned happiness but he could see in their eyes that they weren't particularly pleased to see her. Michael was none the wiser so he was as pleasant as ever and even pulled out a chair for her to sit down. As Caroline and her friends settled into the booth his eyes turned swiftly to Jess who looked like she had been kicked in the stomach, he made a move to sit in the space next to her but was met with an disapproving glare from Cece which kept him at a distance, so he sat next to Mike keeping himself in her eyeline. He tried to convey with his face that he was sorry, that he didn't know Caroline was coming but she kept her eyes down, occasionally turning to Cece to engage in conversation that he knew was about him.

Suddenly Jess' eyes snapped up at the sound of the champagne bottle being popped by Caroline, she glanced at the bottle which she knew was meant for her and looked sorrowfully at Nick whose eyes were pleading with her to forgive him. She could see something in his face that she had never seen before, hurting her was killing him, she could see it in his eyes. She could feel herself getting overwhelmed by the moment and grabbed for her bag, as she tried to stand she felt Cece pull at her arm keeping her anchored to the seat. As she looked at her friend, Cece simply shook her head letting Jess know that she needed to stay, that she would get through the evening, _her_ evening, and Cece would help her do it.

Nick had seen Jess try to leave and knowing he couldn't very well kick Caroline out he removed himself from the situation. Turning to Caroline he made his excuses and started to head back to the bar, Caroline pulled his wrist forcing his body down and his lips to hers and he felt his stomach turn, he couldn't look at Jess so he turned quickly turned on his heels and walked away as fast as his legs would carry him.

* * *

Nick tried desperately to busy himself behind the bar while all he could do was play spectator to the show that was unfolding in front of him. Caroline and Jess seemed to be matching each other drink for drink while the guys had occupied themselves with some women sitting at the booth next to them. He could see Caroline talking to Jess and he felt himself starting to panic. Caroline was drunk, he could tell by the way she was sitting and the way she was leaning intrusively into Jess. Caroline wasn't a great drunk, she was aggressive and confrontational and Jess was the last person that needed to be subjected to that. Jess was a ray of sunshine, even more so after a few drinks but now it looked like it was all she could do to stop herself from bursting into tears. He feared that if it wasn't for Cece propping her up she would have.

As he craned his next to keep them in his eyeline his vision was suddenly blocked by Schmidt's hair, followed by his disapproving face. Nick knew what Schmidt was thinking and he knew what he was going to say, he didn't even have an argument ready for it because it was something that he couldn't even begin to explain.

"Say Nicholas, your girlfriend is looking awfully chipper for a girl's whose father is supposedly in critical condition"

If anybody else had said that Nick probably could have been forgiven for flying off the handle but Schmidt knew Caroline, he knew what she could be like and it's not like he was wrong.

"He's not in critical condition Schmidt he's just..."

"He's just what...do you even know Nick? ...Does she?"

"What are you getting at Schmidt?"

"I've seen this all before Nick - Caroline manipulating you to keep you right where she wants you."

"It's not like that"

"Oh it's not, then why can't you be honest with her and tell her what you really want? ...Who you really want?"

Schmidt may have been considerably inebriated but Nick had never heard the man make more sense in his life.

* * *

Nick battled through his shift looking at his watch, looking at the time on the cash register, even stealing glances at the customer's watches as they grabbed their drinks. He had thirty minutes to go and he could feel Shane's eyes boring into the back of his head as he saw Caroline stand on top of her chair singing and flinging her arms around wildly. Nick squeezed eyes together as he cringed inside, willing the ground to swallow him up. Him or Caroline.

"Miller are you gonna go sort that out or what?"

"I'm sorry Shane, she's going through a hard time at the moment. I'll just wrap up my shift and I'll take her home."

"Bob and Steve can cover the last thirty minutes, I need her out of here before she takes a nose dive on to the other customers. Go now."

"Right ...ok...I'm on it. Sorry Shane"

Nick sympathetically patted Bob and Steve on the shoulders as he hurried behind them to get over to Caroline. He approached her slowly not wanting to startle her and he could see her pulling hard at Jess' arm trying to get her up on the chair. He reached for Jess' hand pulling it from Caroline's which Jess was more than grateful for and gently pulled Caroline's arm coaxing her down from the chair.

"Come on Caroline get down"

"What, I'm having fun"

"Yeah I've noticed, get down Caroline you're drunk and you're gonna get me into trouble"

"Big deal I would probably be doing you a favour by getting you fired" she slurred with an angry tone.

"Right that's it you gotta go home" Nick pulled her arm more forcefully giving her no choice but to clamber down from the chair.

"What the hell is your problem Nick?"

"My problem? What is going on with you Caroline?"

"God can't I cut loose for one night after everything I've been through?!"

"How do I know what you've been through, you don't tell me anything!" Nick was trying hard to control his voice aware that Shane was still glaring at him across the bar.

"Whatever Nick I don't have to listen to this" She slammed her drink down and grabbed her bag, gesturing to her equally intoxicated friends to follow her.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going somewhere else Nick, somewhere where I won't be judged by the 'help' for having a drink or two! God I can't believe you would be this insensitive after everything. I was always there for you when you were going through all that crap with your Dad."

"That's not fair Caroline you can't throw that back in his face" Jess barked at Caroline as she rose out of her chair, wobbling a little on her heels. "Nick is always there for you, we never see him anymore because he's always with you. You just don't appreciate him, you never did."

"Oh is that a fact? You appreciate him though don't you Jess?" Caroline moved slowly towards Jess. "You would appreciate him all day long the second my back was turned if you had the chance. Do you think I don't see the way you look at him? Well you can forget it, Nick wouldn't touch you!"

"Caroline that's enough!" Nick yelled as he blocked her from getting any closer to Jess.

"Yeah Nick it is enough" With that Caroline turned her back to Nick and marched out of the bar without turning back leaving Nick and Jess stunned in her wake.

Nick turned to Jess who had sunk back in her seat with her head in her hands. He crouched down in front of her bringing her face level with his.

"Jess are you ok?" Nick went to rest his hands on her knees but thought twice as he assessed the siutation.

"I think I should go"

"I can take you"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea" Cece interjected

"What? I have my car, it will take forever to get a cab. Look Cece you stay and have a good time I can get Jess home safely"

"It's ok Cece, you stay. I can go home with Nick."

Cece stood with a worried look on her face as she watched them leave arm in arm.


	17. Chapter 17

As they left the bar a cool breeze hit them both in the face which Jess welcomed, she paused to take in a deep breath as she closed her eyes trying to stop everything from spinning, she gripped Nick's hand resting her elbow in the crook of his arm to steady herself. He felt strong and sturdy as she leaned against him, with every deep breath she took she could smell that comforting scent that she recognised only as Nick. She probably could have walked just fine on her own but she liked having him them to support her, she enjoyed the closeness, they both did.

"You ok Jess?"

He raised his hand towards her face as if he was going to tuck her hair behind her ear but changed his mind at the last minute and moved it to his own face instead to rub the stubble on his chin which had grown there during the day.

"Yeah I'm ok, just a little too much champagne I think"

"Come on let's get you home"

He released his hand from hers and moved his whole arm around her waist holding her protectively as they walked to the parking lot, she leaned into him trying hard not to rest her head on his shoulder. She could feel the heat radiating from his body and she fought the urge to turn and throw herself against him and hold on to him forever. As she glanced down she could see his large, masculine hand resting on her waist, his fingers were spread wide and she couldn't help but notice that his thumb was grazing the side of her breast. It made her breath hitch which Nick mistook as dizziness and he pulled her into him even tighter as he reached into his pocket to get his keys.

Ever the gentleman he opened the door for her and held her hand as she lowered down into the seat. He could smell her shampoo as she brushed past him, she always smelled like vanilla and something else distinctly Jess, it was a smell that he would never tire of. She sat down and rested her head against the back of the seat, closing her eyes and sighing so softly that it turned to a quiet whimper. He allowed himself a brief moment just to look at her uninterrupted, sometimes his breath would catch at how beautiful she was, he wondered if she would ever know how perfect she was to him. He thought back to their kiss trying to hard to remember exactly how it felt to touch her face, to run his hand through her hair, to press his lips hard against hers, fearful that he would never get the chance to do it again. He didn't know how long he had stood there looking at her but as her eyes opened she seemed comforted to see him. As her eyes pierced into his he could feel himself swallowing hard, the butterflies in his stomach banging hard against his ribcage. He closed the car door door breaking the spell momentarily as he moved round to the other side, stealing ten seconds to get a hold of himself.

He sat down and reached forward to put the keys in the ignition, praying she wouldn't see how much his hands were shaking, he clutched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. Pulling out of the parking lot, he tried hard to keep his eyes on the road distracted as he saw her head roll to the side out of the corner of his eye. She was facing him now and he could feel her staring at him as he tried hard to keep his composure and keep the vehicle from plowing into the sidewalk. Once he had the car straight he glanced to his right and his eyes locked with hers, her eyes glistened each time the light of the street lamps passed over her. He could see the light hitting the long, smooth column of her throat which was just aching for him to lean over and pepper kisses up the length of it. His eyes ran up her neck back to her face, her eyes were closed again as she breathed slowly in and out, the rise and fall of her chest suddenly making him shift in his seat.

How had they got here? How had Jessica Day come to have this power over him? He knew there was something different about their friendship but he had tried to put that down to the fact that he had never had close female friends before, but he wasn't that naive. Jess had always behaved differently with him than she had with Schmidt and Winston, she would come into his room and sit on his bed for hours just passing time with him, she never did that with the other guys. She understood him so well, it used to freak him out so much that he would pick fights with her over it but eventually he had come to realise that was what he loved so much about their relationship, they understood every trait and every fault and they both still wanted in. This woman had only been in his life a little over a year and yet he couldn't remember a time when she wasn't around, he didn't want to. Jess had come into his life an turned it upside down and he had loved every second of it.

So why did he leave? What the hell was he doing? Nick slowed the car to a stop outside the building and banged his head sharply against the head rest, closing his eyes and running his hands through his hair in exasperation. His life was such a mess but as he turned to look at her sleeping face he knew that there was one thing that was still so simple - the way he felt about her. He reached his hand to her face running the back of his fingers softly down the side of her cheek so rouse her.

"Jess..hey Jess we're here"

Her head snapped up as she breathed in sharply.

"I feel asleep"

"Yeah you did. Come on lets get you upstairs"

* * *

The rode up the elevator in silence, Nick's arm lodged comfortably around her waist once again. The upward motion of the elevator caused her to sway a little which compounded the spinning in her head, she rested her arm on Nick's lower back, fisting his shirt to steady herself. Nick chuckled as the sudden pulling at the back of his shirt made his back bow a little causing him to stumble with her.

"Easy there tiger"

"Sorry" she giggled and it was the best sound he had ever heard.

The looked at each other grinning like Cheshire cats but as Jess' arm rested along the back waitsband of his jeans she felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. She pulled her arm away suddenly causing her to stumble back a little against the elevator wall. Nick grabbed for his phone to shut off the offending noise, he saw Caroline's name flashing bright on the screen and calmly pressed the ignore button before turning it off and slipping it back in his pocket. As he raised his head he saw Jess had backed up against the wall and stepped forward to grab both her hands pulling her upright.

"You know Nick I'm fine now, thanks for the ride but I'm ok from here"

"It's no trouble Jess"

"No I mean you must have other places to be and..."

"Jess would you stop...I want to make sure you get home safe"

"Nick..." Jess had a worried tone to her voice at the direction the night seemed to be taking.

As he pulled her upright their faces were inches from each other, she could see whisps of her hair blowing under his breath. His eyes were darting all over her face like he was trying to catalogue every inch of her in just a few seconds. Her eyes dipped lower and she could see his Adam's Apple bobbing as he swallowed hard, his lips slightly parted and his breathing laboured. Realising she was staring hard at his mouth she dropped his hands and lowered her head, raising it only when the elevator dinged and the doors opened, abruptly ending their moment.

As she fished round in her bag for her keys he took one step ahead of her opening it with his spare set.

"Smooth" she mocked as she smirked at him playfully.

"Well I didn't think you were going to get very far trying to open the door with your car keys"

"Very funny" she said flatly trying to disguise the smile that was playing across her face.

She felt giddy in Nick's company but that wasn't doing much for her spinning head. The adrenaline rush made her a little light headed and she rubbed her forehead again sighing so loudly it bordered on a moan.

"Why don't you get changed and I'll bring you in some water"

"Yeah...pajamas...they're good"

She turned slowly and teetered towards her bedroom door, her hand thumping loudly against it as she misjudged the distance to open it. Nick laughed quietly to himself at how adorable she was when she was drunk and moved towards the kitchen to fetch her some water. As he stood filling her glass he suddenly felt like he was at home, everything felt familiar and comfortable. As he inspected Schmidt's spice rack, Jess extensive range of tea and Winston's makeshift water tap he smiled to himself wishing that time could stand still. As he heard a small crash from Jess' room he snapped back to the moment and walked cautiously towards her bedroom door.

"Jess you ok?

"I'm fine I just walked into my bedside table ...just a little bit...it's dark in here."

"Why didn't you turn on the lights dummy" he laughed to himself as he hovered outside her door which was a little ajar.

"Guess I forgot...oh my bed...bed is good"

He could hear the rustling of her sheets as she climbed into bed.

"Jess are you...I mean...can I come in?"

"Yeah you can come in"

Nick pushed the door open slowly as he stepped into the darkened room. Jess curtains were thin so there was just enough light coming in from the street to illuminate her small frame lying down on the bed. He set the water down on the table next to her and perched tentatively on the side of her bed not quite knowing what to do next, he knew he should leave, he knew that being alone with her in her bedroom at night was asking for a world of trouble but he felt like he was anchored to the bed. He watched her fight to keep her eyes open as her breathing became quiet and shallow, no longer able to keep himself from touching her he reached out to push a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his finger tips trailing softly along her jaw line as he did so. She sighed into his touch and allowed her eyes to drift shut. Nick pulled his hand away stealing once last look at her as he started to rise from the bed. Before he managed to fully stand up he felt a warm hand curl round his pulling him back down, he turned quickly to see her looking up at him expectantly. His heart started to thump wildly in his chest, the blood rushing so loudly in his ears he almost didn't hear her speak, but as she called his name, suddenly he froze.

"Nick...would you stay with me?"

Nick paused trying to absorb the moment and register what was actually happening.

"I don't think that's a good idea Jess" He had to force his words out in one long breath as they were reluctant to leave his mouth.

Suddenly she pushed herself upright her left leg bending so it was resting across his thigh, her face just inches from his. He felt his skin catch fire as she curled her fingers over his forearm tenderly.

"I'm not asking you for anything Nick, I just want you to stay for little while. I like having you here...I've really missed you." The last part of her sentence came out as barely a whisper as she choked down the lump that was starting to form in her throat.

"I've missed you too, so much Jess"

They gazed at each other longingly, their eyes flickering to each other's mouths subconsciously. Nick could seen the whites of Jess' eyes even in the dark, he could see they were filling up as the moment got the better of both of them. As a single tear dropped down her cheek his instinctively reached his hand to her face to wipe it away with the pad of his thumb, allowing his hand to linger there, softly stroking her face. Jess reached her hand up to his wrist holding his hand to her face like she never wanted him to let go.

"I can't stop thinking about you Nick. I've tried so hard and I can't stop"

"Me either Jess, I can't stop either" He moved his forehead to rest against hers as he continued to stroke her cheek with his thumb, his right hand lingering idly on the leg resting over his. He knew he was edging dangerously close to the point of no return, he could feel something pulling at him, trying to pull him away but he fought it, so scared to lose this moment with her.

"What do you want Nick?" she whispered, pulling her head away from his to look into his eyes.

"It's not that simple Jess... I wish to God it was"

"Do you want me?"

Nick paused looking deep into her eyes, he had never seen her so open and vulnerable and it made his heart ache. How could she ask him that? Couldn't she see it, couldn't the whole world see it. His body was screaming it.

"Of course I want you Jess" his words came out as a strangled whisper as his body continued to react to her touch.

She reached her hand up to his face and as she smoothed her fingers over his stubbled cheek, he was lost, whatever battle he was fighting with himself he was losing - badly. She moved her face towards his nudging his nose gently with her own before she leaned her head ever so slightly to the side, lightly grazing her lips across his. As she nipped at his lips tenderly he moved to respond when she pulled back once again to look at him. He saw something in her eyes he had never seen before, she was walking a fine line somewhere between desire and nervousness and it made him ache to touch her, to hold her and reassure her.

She moved her hands from his face and he noticed she was shaking, she lowered her eyes like she was too embarrassed to look at him. Just as he thought she was putting an end to it she reached for the top button of her shirt, unfastening it slowly. She raised her eyes looking at him to gauge his reaction but he was frozen, he had never wanted anyone so badly in his entire life and yet he was powerless to move. As she opened the second button she bit her bottom lip nervously and he couldn't help but lower his eyes as the soft swell of the top her breasts were exposed to him. He could feel himself getting hard as he struggled to breathe, nobody had ever looked at him the way she was looking at him in that moment, she was so perfectly open and beautiful he felt like part of him wanted to cry.

She was sitting there offering herself to him and he couldn't move, as she moved to open her shirt and open herself to him fully he suddenly grabbed her wrists stopping her.

"Jess...we can't do this" He pulled her shirt together trying unsuccessfully to button it back up, let down by his uncontrollably shaking hands. He ducked his head to draw her eyeline and although she tried desperately to avoid his gaze he could tell she was crushed and he felt like his heart was being ripped out. She scrambled to fasten up her shirt fighting her tears of embarrassment as she moved away from him.

"Jess I want you, I want you so bad it's killing me but we can't...not now...not like this. You deserve so much more"

"Forget it Nick, please just forget this ever happened" the tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now as he was no longer able to hide the heartbreak.

"No I don't want to forget it Jess I..."

"Please...please just go"

"Jess"

"Please Nick" her voice was weak with emotion as she sobbed out the last few pleading words.

Nick stood, not wanting to leave but knowing he couldn't stay. She turned away from him rolling to the other side of the bed as he saw hers shoulder shake, her body wracked with sobs. He backed towards the door slowly, his eyes glazing over in shock of what he had just done. As he turned to reach for the handle he took one last look at her but she was still facing away from him.

"Jess you're everything to me. I need you to know that"

Met with a deafening silence he walked out of her room, out of the loft and towards the elevator. The doors opened and he dragged himself in forcefully resting his forehead against the back wall, banging his fist against the cold, hard surface in one swift motion.


	18. Chapter 18

Nick woke a little before midday and as he rolled over he was met with nothing but cool, empty sheets. He felt a small pang of guilt at shutting off his phone when Caroline had been trying to call him but he was so angry with her it was better that they hadn't been given the chance to speak. He couldn't carry on like this, he had to get to the bottom of what was going on with her, there was so much she wasn't telling him and he could no longer avoid the elephant in the room. He needed real, tangible reason for what happened with Jess.

As he swung his legs off the bed, he laid his bare feet flat on the floor and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes trying to wake himself up. Once upon a time he had cared a great deal for Caroline, hell he had been in love with her in a different lifetime but truthfully he had known it wasn't working long before her Dad got sick, he had known the second he walked through the door to this apartment. If he had listened to his friends he wouldn't be here, if he had listened to Jess then that is exactly who he would be with right now.

As he plodded heavily across the floor to the bathroom trying to summon energy into his muscles his thoughts turned to Jess and suddenly his body started to hum like electricity, nobody had ever gotten into his system this way before. Images from the night before flashed through his mind like a kaleidoscope, her face, her body, her eyes looking at him wanting him to lose himself in her. Nick turned the shower nozzle aggressively as he thought back to how he had rejected her, the look on her face as the tears rolled down her cheeks made his stomach churn. _'I did the right thing'_ Nick repeated over and over in his head trying to convince himself as he peeled of his t-shirt and boxers.

_'She was drunk I couldn't take advantage of her like that, she means to much to me'_

_'I couldn't cheat, if I was a cheat she would hate me even more. I wouldn't be the same man to her"_

_'I did the right thing. I did'_

Nick growled to himself as the thoughts became exhausting and made his whole body tense up. He stepped into the shower and let the warm water run down his back soothing his muscles as he rested his palms flat on the tiles. He allowed a long, slow deep breath to pass through his lips as he resigned to the fact that whether his actions were right or wrong none of that could change how he had felt, how badly he had wanted her and given the chance again he wasn't so sure he would have the resolve to walk away. He pictured her shaking hands unbuttoning her shirt and her eyes, her beautiful eyes hooded with want. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that Jess would ever want him the way he wanted her but last night had changed everything, she was ready to give herself to him completely. He had yearned for her, ached to touch her as she started to undress in front of him. He imagined what would have happened if he hadn't stopped her, he would have reached out to touch her perfect breasts gently kissing each one, he would have peeled her pajama bottoms of slowly exposing all of her and then he would have kissed her _there_ until she was screaming his name, he would have shown her exactly how much he wanted her for hours on end. As Nick's mind wandered he realised his hand was pumping idly up and down his now painfully hard erection at the thought of her. He felt a pang of guilt at thinking about her like this when everything was such a mess but he couldn't fight the way his body reacted to her and now he needed to find a release. Images of her writhing under his touch played over and over in his mind as his hand quickened, he imagined what it would be like if she were there with him now, if it was her hand pumping him hard as she kissed him and suddenly he exploded over his hand and stomach and let out a loud groan with her name on the tip of his tongue. He slowed his hand but continued to touch himself as his breathing slowed and his muscles relaxed. He leaned his left arm up on the tiles allowing his head to rest against his forearm while he collected himself, enjoying the sated feeling for the brief time he knew it would last.

Sure enough the phone rang loudly snapping him out of his reverie. Grumbling to himself he turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, jogging cautiously to the phone with his wet feet grabbing it before it rang out.

"Hello"

"Hi Nick it's Caroline's Mom is she there?"

Nick tried to ignore the after effects of his Jess induced orgasm and compose himself, hoping the sound of Caroline's Mom alone might do the trick. He coughed trying to shake the gravelly sex sound out of his voice and sound like a normal human being.

"Uh no I kind of assumed she would be with you"

"Why would you assume that?" Her Mom's tone was always cold, at least with Nick it was. She had never given any indication that she particularly liked him, unlike her Dad who had a lot of time for him.

"Well, we had a fight last night and she disappeared with a couple of her friends. I haven't heard from yet"

"Another fight?"

Nick didn't answer, he knew her Mom secretly liked it when she suspected their was trouble between them, he was in no mood to give her any ammunition.

"I'm sure she'll be home soon, did you want me to tell her anything or get her to call you?"

"Yes, I need her to pick up her Dad's prescription and bring it by the house, could you ask her? We have friends coming over tonight so I'm a little tied up today?"

Nick screwed up his face trying to piece together what Caroline's mother was saying but it didn't make sense, he could hear the conversation continuing on the other end of the phone but he was no longer listening, the rest of it didn't matter. Disregarding what she was saying Nick just started to talk over her, his voice calm and emotionless.

"Her Dad's at home?"

"Yes Nick he's been at home for the last three weeks, wow you really haven't seen much of Caroline have you? Look Nick I have to go but could you just..."

"How is he?"

"He's doing much better thank you, the medication is keeping his angina under control but that was quite a scare he gave us...Nicholas are you still there?"

"Yeah...um...I'll let Caroline know everything you said. I'm glad her dad is ok"

"Goodbye Nick"

"Yeah...see ya"

Nick hung up the phone and remained where he was standing for several minutes, his jaw clenching as his mind and pulse raced at a hundred miles an hour. He was so angry he was afraid to move, afraid that he would smash up the nearest thing in sight, so he stood where he was taking deep breaths until the ball of anger in his chest started to dissipate.

* * *

Jess enjoyed the ten seconds of carefree bliss as she awoke before the memory of the night before came rushing back to hit her like a freight train. Her stomach lurched as she cradled her head in her hands cringing as she tried to figure out what was worse, the hangover or the embarrassment. She couldn't rationalise it, she couldn't explain it away - she had thrown herself at him and he had rejected her. It was that simple.

Jess sat up hugging her knees to her chest, she wanted to just let herself cry, to wallow and feel sorry for herself but as her eyes began to fill up she sniffed and blinked hard forcing them away, not allowing them to fall. A few deep breaths later and a burning feeling started to grow in her chest, suddenly she wasn't sad or embarrassed anymore. She was angry. Sure she was angry at herself for offering herself up to him like some sort of drunken hussy, but more than that she was mad at him. Why had he even been there, why had he followed her into her bedroom? They wanted each other, they both knew that now so what did he expect to happen? One thing Jess knew for sure was that she couldn't trust herself alone with him anymore, lines had to be drawn, rules had to be made or there was no hope of them being able to stay in each others lives. They had tried to fight their feelings but they were there and they were real and they couldn't pretend anymore. If they couldn't act on their feelings then their relationship had to change, she had to put some distance between herself and Nick, she had to move on.

She picked up the phone she had heard buzzing incessantly through the night and deleted all of Nick's messages without reading them. She need to put last night behind her and pretend it never happened but as she was scrolling down one message in particular caught her eye. She was still mad, seething even and she should have deleted the message and put the phone away before she had the chance to respond but her adrenaline was rushing and she found herself replying, the words just appearing on the screen without her control, as though someone else were writing them. Suddenly she hit send and her words were sent into the ether on their way to complete their mission of opening up a huge can of worms, it was too late, the damage was done.

* * *

Nick had been sitting in the same spot on the sofa for hours working himself up, scared to move a muscle, closing his ears to the sound of his phone beeping in case he got distracted and lost his nerve. Every muscle was tense, his jaw clenching and unclenching as the same thoughts passed through his mind over and over. He knew that in a few short moments his life would be different, things would change, he hadn't really though ahead about what his next steps were or where he was going to stay but he could only deal with one dilemma at a time, the rest would have to figure itself out.

He walked to the kitchen, he needed a drink to steady his nerves. The bottle was clinking with the glass as his hands shook, he needed this drink more than he thought, the first one he threw back without it even touching the sides but the second he swallowed slowly letting it burn its way down his throat - its fiery heat matching his mood. He closed his eyes sighing as the liquid hit his stomach, its warmth spreading to his limbs, when suddenly his stomach dropped once more at the sound of the key in the latch.

She smiled. She actually had the nerve to smile at him as she walked through the door, Nick sneered at her which she rolled her eyes at, a smile still playing across her mouth.

"Ok, ok I get it you're still mad at me for last night. Look I'm sorry ok I was drunk and I felt like you were attacking me and what can I say...I flipped out"

She was met with silence as Nick continued to look at her, his eyes had a crazy edge to them and he was breathing heavily through his nose, his hands pressed flat against the kitchen counter with his fingers flexing intermittently. Caroline laughed nervously unsure of how to deal with his mood towards her, she edged slowly towards him resting a hand over his which he snatched away like he had caught it in a flame.

"Nick I said I was sorry why are you overreacting?"

"Overreacting?" Nick's voice was low and tense, almost sinister.

"Yeah, God it's not like you haven't behaved like drunken idiot once or twice. Given the circumstances I think you could cut me a little slack here"

"You are unbelievable"

"What is going on with you Nick you're acting crazy?"

"Caroline just say it...just say it so we don't have to string out this embarrassing masquerade any longer"

"Nick what..."

"You know what I'm talking about!"

Caroline's face froze, her eyes unblinking as she felt everything slowly start to unravel, her mind clawing for something she could say to him to dig herself out of the hole she was sinking further and further into. She had nothing, her mind was blank - he knew, somehow he knew.

"Nick..."

"Unless the next thing out of your mouth is the truth Caroline I don't want to hear it"

"Nick I...I just...I didn't want to lose you. I could feel you slipping away and when my Dad went into hospital you were so good with me, so caring and you were with me all the time. I mean really with me. I hadn't felt that from you ever since we moved in together"

"So you lied to me...about all of it"

"Not all of it. He was sick...he was... just not..." Her voice petered out as the thought of saying out loud made her feel nauseous, humiliated.

"How did you think this was going to end Caroline?"

"I didn't think Nick. I panicked and there was an opportunity to..."

"Opportunity!?" He spat, the rage bubbling up from the bottom of his stomach and now flying freely out of his mouth uncensored. "Do you think your Dad saw this as an 'opportunity'?...where the hell in your conscience Caroline?! How long were you going to string this out for huh? Were you going to drag me to his make believe funeral when things got really tough between us"

"Don't be ridiculous Nick"

He laughed out loud yet he face showed no sign of amusement, he ran his hands through his hair as the room fell silent except for his angry breathing and the creaking of the floor boards as Caroline slowly paced towards him. He raised he head to look at her, his face somewhat softer than it had been moments ago, it was the face of acceptance, acceptance that the woman in front of him was a complete stranger.

"I'm done Caroline."

He gave her a few moments for his words to sink in before he made a move for the bedroom to grab a bag.

"No Nick wait, don't go! Look we can work through this. I made a mistake ok but I can fix it, you just need to give me time and I'll fix it. We can go back to the way we were."

"The way we were was all a lie Caroline"

"Nick please you have to forgive me. I did a stupid thing, I know that, but I was scared I was losing you that she was taking you away..." Caroline stopped abruptly and started to chew on her bottom lip, trying to eat the words before they came out of her mouth.

"She who?"

I thick silence descended up them as Caroline's face changed from one of panic to one of resignation. She looked at him coolly and her lip trembled trying hard to stifle the cry that was waiting to escape her.

"I know you're in love with her Nick"

He didn't question her again, he cast his eyes to the floor, his mouth closing tight shut as he swallowed hard. There was nothing he could say, there was no point in arguing with her, no point in fighting his corner to prove her wrong. There was nothing left to fight for. It was over.

* * *

Nick stepped out into the warm air sucking it into his lungs, breathing out all the pain and anxiety of the last hour. There was pain in letting Caroline go he couldn't deny that, when a huge force in your life suddenly disappears you will always be left gasping for breath. When Caroline had dumped him there had always been a frayed tether between them that he couldn't bring himself to sever, he found it too hard to say goodbye, afraid to allow his life to be anything different to what it was. But now his wanted to close that chapter of his life, he wanted to move on, he wanted Jess.

Everything was so raw, he knew in his heart it wasn't fair to Caroline and it certainly wasn't something a decent human being would do but he needed Jess to know what had happened. All sense of rules and etiquette flew out of the window as he found himself texting her frantically, the message coming out jumbled at first because of his shaking hands.

_Jess we need to talk, I need to see you_

It was the most important message he had sent to Jess since they had known each other, he felt giddy and nervous in equal measure as he awaited her reply but in reality it was no different to any of the other messages he had sent her in the last 24 hours.

Jess looked at the text, the same pleading message he had sent her ten times since last night and pressed delete, swallowing the sob that had started to rise up from her chest. She coughed from the bottom of her throat composing herself and started to scroll through the contacts on her phone. Stopping at 'A' she found his number and pressed dial, ignoring the doubt that was streaming through her veins.

"Hey it's me, I'm just leaving, I'll be there in twenty minutes"


	19. Chapter 19

"I know what you're thinking, that it's all my fault, that I never should have moved in with Caroline in the first place and then none of this would have happened. How was I supposed to know it was all going to end up like this? If I had thought even once in the past year that I stood a chance I never would have moved out, but I had no idea. We never even kissed, yeah we flirted but with Paul and Russell on the scene I didn't have any reason to read into it, so I just accepted it for what it was, I had to. I had to put those feelings away - a man has his pride you know. I just wish I had know something, anything, and then things would be different between us, they would be amazing, but now she's not here and it's all gone to hell.

I know I should have seen through Caroline, everyone else did, but I got scared that my life was going nowhere, that I was never going to have anything an adult should have. Moving in with her made me feel...I don't know... that I was do something, making changes. I should never have trusted her, I know that now but how was I supposed to know, someone tells you their Dad is sick, you believe them and you can't' just walk out on someone in that situation. My Dad spent his whole life walking out on us when we needed him the most and a part me will always hate him for it, I couldn't do that to Caroline, I couldn't become...him.

I have to fix this, I'll do anything. Godammit I can't get this close and give it all up, there has got to be something I can do - it can't be over. What can I do...what would you do?"

Tran blinked at Nick with a serene look upon his face, unfazed by his woes and with an almost imperceptible nod of his head Nick understood. Just as Nick opened his mouth with a barrage of questions the sharp tone of his phone interrupted the revelatory moment.

"Where are you Nicholas, people have started to arrive and I need to need get ready before Cece shows up with her Indian hobbit friend, you need to come and help me"

"Alright, alright I'm coming"

Nick shut off his phone and stood up with a sigh. Patting Tran amicably on the back and shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he headed back to the loft. As a dusky hue settled in the sky, the nerves in Nick's stomach grew, he couldn't shake the sickly feeling that had taken residence there over the past two days. When the guys told him Jess had left for the weekend he figured she had gone to her parents, that made sense to him and he was somewhat content in that knowledge. That was until he had bumped into Cece at the bar and she had deliberately evaded his questions on Jess' whereabouts and avoided looking him in the eye which made him distinctly nervous. She knew something and Nick had a feeling it wasn't something he was going to like.

He knew he would see her tonight, it was Winston's birthday so by hook or by crook she would be there. Nick had been preparing what he would say to her after he broke up with Caroline, he had it all written out in his head but since her little jaunt out of L.A. he couldn't be sure what was going to come out of his mouth, whether he was going to yell at her or kiss her. Nick squeezed the bridge of his nose as another headache settled in, the thinking, regretting and overanalysing was becoming physically exhausting. As the third text from Schmidt buzzed in his pocket he picked up the pace.

* * *

Jess rested her forehead on the window as she gazed out of the car not looking at anything in particular, her neck was craned awkwardly to the right to avoid looking in Adam's direction. As his hand came to rest on her thigh she felt her stomach tighten into a hard knot as her leg fought the urge to jerk abruptly away from his touch.

"You know maybe we shouldn't go tonight. It's been a long weekend, we could just go to the movies or something"

"Jess it's Winston's birthday party...in your apartment" he laughed

"I know. Forget it, it was just a silly idea"

Adam chuckled as he gave her leg a squeeze, blissfully ignorant as her muscles tensed up.

"Maybe I should just go, I mean you and Nick aren't exactly..."

"Look Jess I have every intention of talking to Nick tonight ok. I promise"

"Yeah but..."

"Stop worrying about me ok, it'll be fine"

Jess rested her elbow on the window as she turned her head into her hand chewing nervously on her thumb nail, suddenly feeling very light headed. She didn't have the heart to correct Adam that he wasn't the one she was worried about.

* * *

As Nick reached the door to 4D he paused for a moment flexing his fingers and willing his heart rate to slow down. He could hear a miriad of muffled voices behind the door and musically playing at a low level. He tried to decipher her voice out of the multiple tones but it was useless, there was only one way to know if she was there. He pushed the door open gingerly, like someone avoiding a horror movie he didn't want to watch and his eyes darted round the room faster than his brain could keep up with. He felt his shoulders drop when he didn't see her, unsure if it was relief or disappointment.

Suddenly he was confronted by a somewhat frantic looking Schmidt, he had actually smelled him before his saw him with the amount of aftershave he was wearing

"Nick where have you been, you know I need at least 45 minutes to do my hair and Cece could be here at any minute with her British midget"

"Schmidt would you relax!"

"Right, so it's ok for you to be so scared of seeing Jess that you bail for the entire day but I'm expected to just not care about Cece"

"Ok look I'm sorry, what can I do to help?"

"Those" Scgmidt pointed sharply towards the kitchen counter.

"Slicing lemons...I rushed back for lemons?"

"Some of us enjoy a more sophisticated fruity beer experience Nick, we don't all drink that canned dish water that you love so much"

Nick reached into the fridge for a can of Heisler, letting the crack and fizz of the ring pull pop in Schmidt's face before taking a long, gulp and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

* * *

Half an hour and fifteen sliced lemons later Nick found himself still sitting at the kitchen counter cradling his beer, luckily all the guests so far were Schmidt and Mike's work colleagues that he didn't really know so he didn't feel as much pressure to be social, he never could fake a good mood for anyone's benefit but he knew he was going to have to pull it out of the bag at some point for Winston's sake. There was still no sign of Jess which was doing nothing for his nerves which frayed just a little bit more every time he heard the door open and close. Schmidt was doing a much better job of hiding his anxiety than Nick was, he wished he could be like that but his heart was just too bruised to try. Nick checked his watch it was 7:30 and they were expecting Winston and Shelby at 8, where was Jess? It wasn't like her to miss something like this, she would usually be the one shushing everyone and turning down the lights, leading the yell of surprise as the birthday walked through the door.

As Mike moved to answer the door relieving Schmidt of his hosting duties momentarily, Nick saw Schmidt's face drop and suddenly he looked how Nick felt, he didn't need to look to know that Cece had just walked through the door. Finally it was time for Nick to snap out of it and be there for his friend, he jumped out of his seat approaching Schmidt, ready to help him save face in front of his ex and her new beau. As he reached Schmidt patting a supportive hand on his shoulder he saw him shake his head and mouth something he couldn't quite decipher but as Nick turned his head toward the door it all became painfully clear.

Nick felt the air leave his lungs and his heart drop to the bottom of his ribcage with what he was sure was an audible thud as he saw Adam come through the door trailing a nervous looking Jess behind him. Adam's face was arrogant as ever with a hint of a smug grin pulling at his top lip which made Nick's jaw clench and nostril's flare like a red rag to the bull. Adam looked like the cat who got the cream but Jess looked scared, like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole. As she dragged her eyes up from the floor she was immediately met with Nick's intense stare. He wasn't blinking, his mouth hung open a little as he breathed rapidly, she could see his shoulders moving up and down as he tried to control it but most of all she could see pure pain his eyes and it felt like a knife to her stomach. She tried to pull her hand away from Adam's but he grabbed it tighter pulling it up to his chest as he walked towards Nick and Schmidt.

Nick suddenly realised he had nowhere to go and he felt panic start to rise in his throat, without thinking he made a beeline for the door failing miserably as Adam side stepped him blocking his path, Adam's hand still clutching Jess' possessively. Nick couldn't help but sneer causing Adam to throw his hands up in a mock surrender.

"Hey, hey, hey wait, look Nick I wanted to apologise for what happened the last time we saw each other"

"Is that right?"

"Yeah look I wasn't myself and I had been drinking and I guess Jess just brings out the crazy jealous side in me...I mean you know what that's like right"

Adam raised one eyebrow as he tried to hide a small smile that started to creep up at the corners of his mouth. He thrust a hand in Nick's direction which Nick stared at in disdain like it was a foreign body.

"What do you say we bury the hatchet huh?"

Nick reluctantly held out his hand without saying a word, turning his eyes to Jess who looked like she was on the verge of tears as she tried unsuccessfully to wriggle her hand free from Adam's.

"I mean I guess I'm going to be around a lot so it would be good if we could be friends...maybe go for a beer or something?"

"A beer, are you serious?"

As a thick cloud of tension was starting to creep over them, Schmidt suddenly jolted to life as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Oh oh oh, he's here...he's here"

Schmidt started to herd the guests away from the door as Mike turned off the music, instructing Adam to get the lights, leaving Nick and Jess face to face. Jess opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out, Nick could see her bottom lip starting to shake before the lights went down. In the dark he could see her eyes glistening with tears as the moonlight streamed through the windows. She took a step towards him, their breath mingling, both trying to make sense of what was happening between them. Jess took a small breath in as she went to speak.

"Nick..."

Suddenly the room erupted in yells of surprise as Nick and Jess turned quickly to see a rather shell shocked Winston standing the doorway. Jess turned back to Nick with pleading eyes but he was already walking away from her. She pressed her hand against her chest, her fingers trying to rub away the pressure weighing down her heart.

* * *

Nick tried his best to feign happiness for his friend as he stayed glued to his side for most of the party expertly avoiding being alone with Jess, Winston was touched nonetheless. Nick tried to join in the conversation he was only half listening too, he fake laughed at jokes he hadn't heard the punchline for and he bear hugged people he didn't know never taking his eyes off Jess and Adam. One thing he did manage to do with a fair degree of success was pour shots of tequila which he did with relish, as a mess of hands and clinking glasses once again appeared in front of his face accompanied by salutations of various kinds, he threw back one shot then another, willing it to numb him. Yet he experienced no such luck as he lowered his hand from his face to see Adam pulling Jess in for a kiss. She didn't close her eyes, she was looking right at him while she was being kissed by another man.

Blaming the alcohol Nick made a sharp exit for the door. He rested one hand against the cold surface of the elevator door as his other hand pushed frantically at the button, his head hanging down towards his chest. Nick felt like the world has slowed down around him and he needed air fast. Banging his hand on the door he abandoned the elevator and started up the stairs to the roof. He pushed the door hard sending it swinging back on its hinges and hitting the wall. Nick sucked the air hard into his lungs trying to steady himself, he walked to the wall resting his elbows on it surface as his hands ran through and clutched at his hair. He sniffed back the tears that were threatening to fall, leaving his eyes stinging and his heart heavy.

* * *

After a long while Nick pushed himself back from the wall and turned to leave when there she was, her hair blowing softly in the breeze and her hands twitching nervously by her sides. She looked so beautiful which made everything harder for him.

"Nick..."

"Don't Jess"

"Don't what?"

"Don't try and rationalise it to me because it's not going to work"

"I'm not"

"What the hell are you doing...are you just trying to hurt me?"

"Maybe it's not about you Nick, maybe it's about me"

"What does that even mean?"

"Maybe I needed to move on...distract myself"

There was a thick pause as Nick tried to process what she was saying to him. This is not how he wanted their first conversation to go this is not what he had planned, she had changed the game on him and now he needed to know everything.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"You have no right to ask me that Nick?"

"Did you?"

"This was a a mistake" She turned for the door but not before Nick could grab her by the arm spinning her round so her face was directly in front of his, his eyes boring into her pleading for her honesty, praying for her to say no.

"Tell me Jess!"

"Why should I tell you it's none of your business, why do you even care?"

"Why do I care?!"

"Yes...you didn't want to know Nick! I threw myself at you and you turned me down so why the sudden interest in my sex life"

"That's not fair Jess. I was trying to do the right thing"

"By who?"

"By everyone. I didn't want to hurt anyone, least of all you. If we had slept together you would have regretted it in the morning Jess, so would I"

Nick saw Jess wince at his words as she took a step back from him, her eyes searching the floor as she bit her bottom lip.

"No Jess that's not what I meant...I didn't mean..."

"Forget it Nick, none of it matters now anyway"

"Don't say that"

"It's true Nick"

"Why...because of him"

Nick spat out his words barely able to stomach bringing Adam into the conversation, while Jess glared at him, her lip trembling.

"I have to go"

Jess couldn't look at him, she tried to leave once more but Nick grabbed her arm again pulling her up against him this time, she could feel his heart beating wildly against her chest as his breath blew hard against he small strands of her hair at the front of her face, she tried feebly to free her arms but he held her tightly in place.

"Are you sleeping with him Jess?"

"Let me go Nick"

"Godammit Jess are you sleeping with him?!"

"Why do you care?!"

"Because I don't want you to sleep with him, I don't want you to sleep with anyone!"

"Why Nick?!"

_Silence_

"WHY?!"

"Because I'm in love with you!"


	20. Chapter 20

Nick's eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly as he gently released her arms and took a small step back from her, stunned into silence. Jess stared at him intently, her chest heaving and her eyes as wide as his. She felt tears roll down her cheeks and there was little she could do to stop it. She felt like she was on fire, her insides were tingling but there were jolts of fear shooting through her. What had just happened? She tried to force words out with each breath but she had to keep swallowing back the lump in her throat, making her breathing hitch, her words getting caught in her mouth. She sucked air hard into her lungs and pushed it out finally breaking the silence.

"Nick you can't say that"

"Why not?"

He took a step towards her again lowering his head to try and meet her eyes. As he raised his hands up to the tops of her arms again, she started to block him, pushing her wrists against his forearms. She couldn't control her tears and she knew she didn't have the will to to fight him much longer

"Because...because you're with somebody else and you can't do this to me Nick it's not fair."

"I'm not, listen to me Jess I'm not" he talked over her, shaking her gently to get her attention, to make her see the truth.

Jess stopped trying to resist his grasp and stood still in his arms her fists balled up against his chest but no longer pushing him. Her watery eyes stared up at him unblinking, her lips still trembling, while Nick held her gaze, his face desperate and full of love.

"It's over Jess, she's gone. You're the one I want"

He released her arms and brought his hands up to cup her face, his thumbs gently stroking away the tears on her cheeks, she unclenched her hands and rested her palms flat against his chest feeling his rapid and solid heartbeat, the rhythm matching her own.

"Jess it's always been you"

As Nick started to lower his face towards her he saw her eyes close slowly and her lips part, a shaky breath passing gently over them. Her fingers idly curled against his chest lightly grasping at his shirt, gently pulling him close to her. Their lips hovered over one another's as they surrendered themselves to the moment, they were both ready to lose themselves in each other when the peaceful, comforting sound of their breathing was drowned out with the sound of the door handle be jiggled sharply. As their heads snapped in the direction of the door, Nick felt pressure against his chest as Jess pushed herself away from him, moving several steps back, he could feel the cool breeze come rushing between them. As the door pushed open Nick's brief moment off elation was swiftly torn apart as Adam's presence forced itself into their little world. Adam knew he had interrupted something but he chose to play dumb to draw out the awkwardness of the situation. His brow was furrowed into a frown and he looked only at Jess disregarding Nick completely.

"Jess...everything ok here?"

"Yes" Jess coughed the croak out of her voice "Yeah everything's fine"

"You don't look fine, what's going on?"

"Nothing...it's nothing"

Nick stared at Jess as her words rang in his ears, his eyes were fixed to the floor as he pushed his tongue to the side of his mouth, his jaw tensing. When he looked up he was met with Adam's ice cold stare and suddenly registered that Adam had been saying his name.

"Nick...Nick!"

"She's right. ...It's nothing"

He took one last look at Jess before he walked past them both and headed back down to the loft without looking back. Jess didn't know what the hell was going to happen between them but she knew she couldn't let him leave, not after what he had just said to her. She was tired of things getting in between them, she felt like the world was conspiring to keep them apart and she'd had it, there was no logical reason for it, not any more. She headed for the door almost forgetting Adam was there until he grabbed her arm and pulled her back harshly.

"Where are you going?"

Jess paused, she didn't want to be cruel to Adam, after all it was her who had used him this weekend to get at Nick, but she needed this to be over, she needed him gone so she could be with the person she wanted to be with.

"Adam, I have to go after Nick"

"The hell you do...you're staying right here"

She shook her arm free of his with more aggression than she knew she had in her.

"No Adam! I'm so sorry but this was a mistake, all of it, I never should have gone with you this weekend."

"Wait a minute..is this about Nick?"

"Yes"

She opened her mouth to try and explain to him but she knew there was nothing left to say to him, nothing that would make any difference. She breezed past him making a sudden move for the door, she had to get to Nick, it was all her mind would allow her to focus on. As she ran down the stairs she could hear Adam thudding behind her yelling and shouting obscenities. She ran back into the loft, back into the safety of the crowd , she paused in the doorway trying to find Nick, praying to God that he hadn't left. By now Adam had caught up with her, he caught her unaware as she was busy scanning the room and grabbed her hard from behind spinning her around to face him, he eyes red with fury as he unleashed a tirade against her in front of a room full of people. Jess flinched as he called her names she never imagined anyone would have a reason to call her. She tried in vain to wriggle out of his grasp but he held tightly on to her his white knuckles a stark contract to his reddening face. Suddenly she saw a large, strong hand wrap around Adam's wrist yanking him away from her, Adam had been gripping so hard she stumbled backwards when she was released. It was then she saw Nick with a face of fury to match Adam's, his hands flexing at his sides ready to explode.

The room had fallen into silence which was broken by Nick's strangulated growl.

"If you touch her again I'll kill you"

"This again, really Nick, it didn't end too well for you last time did it?"

Adam tried to step right up to Nick but not before Jess squirmed her way into between them first, pressing her palms against Nick's chest, her eyes appealing to him. She couldn't watch him get hurt again because of her.

"Nick let's get out of here...please. Let's go"

He looked at her eyes and she melted him the way only she could, he nodded his head and focused only on her allowing his mood to calm. She ran her hands down his arms and grasped as his hands unfurling his fingers from the fists they had formed and threading her fingers through them. She pulled him gently guiding him towards the door, keeping eye contact with him them until they had got past Adam who was now being blocked by Schmidt and Winston.

* * *

Jess had just started to drive, she had no idea where they were going, it just needed to be far away from the loft. They hadn't yet spoken since they left the party, she gave Nick time to calm down but after that an awkward silence settled in as their attention turned away from Adam and back to his admission on the roof. Nick rubbed his hands against his thighs anxiously, licking and biting at his lips, he kept turning to her and looking away when she returned his gaze. Jess hadn't worked out what to say to him yet but her heart ached at how scared and uncomfortable he looked, she moved her hand across to him grabbing his hand in hers and he immediately stopped fidgeting as his eyes locked on their clasped hands. She ran her thumb soothingly over the back of his hand as she peeled her eyes away from the road every chance she got to look at him, eventually bringing his gaze up to hers. Jess' face broke into the biggest smile Nick had ever seen and a wave of something came over him, the likes of which he had never felt. He loved this woman so much she affected every nerve, every reaction, every fibre of his being, he wondered if she would ever really know how she made him feel.

Transfixed by her he suddenly became aware of the car slowing to a stop as she pulled down a small incline on to a secluded part of the beach that they were both familiar with. As the engine ground to a halt they could hear only the waves in the distance and the sound of each other breathing. They both stared down at their laps, words whirling round in their heads and starting to form at the back of their throats, several silent moments went by before either of them spoke.

"I didn't sleep with him Nick"

Nick's head snapped up to look at her, he couldn't hide the relief he was feeling. He nodded his head biting his bottom lip into his mouth, his eyes ever so slightly watering and glistening in the light bouncing off the water.

"You were right, I was trying to hurt you. I didn't know that's what I was doing until I was there at his apartment and everything just felt so wrong and I just...I just...I wanted to be with you Nick. Im so sorry for the way I acted, I'm sorry I brought him to the party, I'm just really sorry Nick"

"Hey, Hey Jess it's ok. I get it...I mean I understand"

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean the way we left things that night when..." Nick trailed off not wanting to embarrass her. "I never meant to hurt you Jess. Ever"

"I know"

"You have no idea hard it was for me to walk away, how much I wanted you. How much I still want you"

His sentence was punctuated with the sound of Jess popping her seatbelt as she leaned towards him grabbing his face and pressing her lips hard against his. He opened his mouth against hers welcoming the soft, slick feel of her lips and tongue as it duelled with his. He fumbled blindly at his seatbelt trying to release it, he pulled away from her momentarily as he looked down to rid himself of the offending strip of nylon once and for all. She chuckled at him and how ungainly he was being and the sound was music to his ears. He smiled back at her, he could see her white teeth even in the dim light as she beamed at him, reaching up with both hands he tucked stray strands of hair behind her ears and suddenly their faces both fell serious once again as they evaluated the enormity of the situation. He kissed her again with everything he had, the passion intensifying quicker than either of them had expected. He licked at her tongue, the car filled with the sound of their mouths moving against each other. He moved his hands round to the back of her head, his hands raking through her hair as she pulled hard at the collar of his shirt needing him to be closer to her. No longer satisfied with the distance being created by the handbrake and the awkward angle of their stretching bodies Jess broke the kiss to push herself out of her seat, as she raised herself up she swung her right leg over his lap giving a quick flash of her underwear as she moved, that alone was almost enough to make Nick lose control. She lowered herself into his lap and she could feel that he was already getting hard, she felt jolts of energy shoot from her heart to the now throbbing space between her legs. She ground herself against him unconsciously, swallowing his breathy gasp with her mouth as she fisted his now mussed up hair in her hands.

Nick's hands were everywhere, he wanted to touch every part of her now and his brain couldn't pick up the signals fast enough. Eventually he settled for resting them on her thighs gripping firmly, slowly moving them up her dress and testing the water, when he was welcomed with a hard grind into his groin, he pushed them up higher to rest on her ass squeezing gently as he kissed her wantonly. Their kissing had become messy now, the smooth rhythm they has established with their mouths was become more frantic and out of sync as their urgency grew.

They were in the front seat of Jess' car, not what either of them had imagined for their first time but they both knew they would never make it home, perhaps their first time was always destined to be like this, urgent, desperate, passionate. Nick knew that the end of the world itself couldn't stop him now and he got the distinct feeling that Jess felt the same. She pulled one of his hands up to her chest pushing it against her breast, giving him silent permission to touch her, all of her. His other hand followed so he was firmly squeezing and rubbing both her breasts while kissing wetly down the column of her throat to the valley inbetween where his hands were expertly touching. She arched her back into him , whimpering to the point of almost whining, sending him soaring into whole new levels of arousal and he wanted more. His hands ceased their movements over her as he moved them round her back and pulled the zipper of her dress down, looking intently in her eyes to check they were both on the same page. They most definitely were.

She pulled her hands out of his hair to wriggle out of the sleeves of her dress, breathing heavily into his mouth as they paused their kissing. As she freed her arms the dress dropped to hang loosely around her waist, she saw Nick's gaze drop to her chest and she wasted no time in offering him a better view. She bent her arms round her back, unhooking her bra as fast as she could with her shaking hands. The bra fell down the tops of her arms and she paused suddenly a little self-conscious and unsure of how brazen she was being. Sensing her reticence he gently reached to the tops of her arms slowly pulling the straps down the rest of the way and throwing it onto the driver's seat, revealing her to him completely. Since the second they met he had wanted her like this, never had a moment in his life exceeded his expectations the way this did, for the first time everything felt perfect. He offered her a small smile as he placed his hand briefly over her pounding heart before he moved it down to her naked breast, his thumb sweeping agonizingly over her nipple causing her breathing to catch and her eyes to flicker closed. Seeing the effect on her he brought his other hand up to pay the same attention to the other one. He brought his mouth over her licking and sucking and suddenly became very aware of his painfully growing erection trapped in his tight jeans, made much worse by the noises she was making.

The movements of their hips were becoming more rhythmical now and the barrier of clothing more and more problematic. Breathlessly she pushed herself back from him and started to unbutton his shirt as he gazed at her entranced by what he was seeing, his brain finding everything hard to compute. This was Jess undressing him, it was Jess sitting on his lap half naked, it was her breast he just had in his mouth. He felt giddy, like he wanted to open the windows and scream it into the air at anyone who would listen.

Jess raked her hands down the hair on his chest, her fingernails digging in just enough for in to be pleasurable. After the assault on her breasts his mouth returned to hers, she whimpered and mewled into his mouth as they kissed, he replied with a low heavy groan when her hands danced dangerously close to his throbbing erection. She started to pull at his belt, there was no elegance or style to her movements, she wanted him, badly and she didn't care who knew it. The buttons were next, she popped them undone one by one as he nipped at her mouth pulling at her bottom lip. So far he had managed to hold it together, he hadn't embarrassed himself yet but as he felt a small, warm hand wrap intently around him he started to fear the worst. He pulled his head back a little, his eyes struggling to stay open as she started to work her hand against him slowly.

"My God Jess...Oh God"

He head dropped hard against the back of the seat so she took the opportunity to lick and suck against his neck as her hand pumped him slowly but firmly. He was the hardest he had ever been, he didn't think it was possible to be this hard. Wanting her to feel exactly how he was feeling he dropped a hand between her legs and rubbed lightly against the soaked material of her underwear. He couldn't believe she was already so wet, because of him, because of them together, he had only ever dreamed of sharing this moment with her. She picked up the pace, her breaths and whimpers quickening so he pushed his fingers into the waistband of her underwear and touched her. There. He circled his middle finger over her with just the right amount of pressure and she was so overcome her movements on him stilled, which was probably for the best.

"Nick" she breathed heavily "Oh God Nick"

She started to rock, grinding against his hand, kissing him languidly, grazing her tongue leisurely against his. Empowered by her reaction to his touch he moved his finger to her opening and pushed slowly inside, her breathing stopped at the welcome intrusion and them came rushing out in a heavy groan as he started to moved his finger in and out of her slowly. She placed her hand back around him and started to pump him, this time with more intensity as she became more and more aroused. He started to grunt along with the movements of her hand, feeling that familiar feeling start to build low down. His hand picked up the pace as he pushed in with another finger, her wetness starting to run down his hand which was possibly the most arousing thing he had ever experienced. She was getting close, he could tell, when suddenly she stopped him pushing at his arm and releasing her hand from his dick.

"Nick...condom"

"My wallet, there's one in my wallet."

He reached behind awkwardly to pull his wallet out of his jeans, as he raised himself up to retrieve it Jess took the opportunity to pull his jeans down to his knees. Nick pulled out the condom, paying no regard to where he threw his wallet and ripped at the packet with his teeth. Condom in hand he set to work.

Jess had to take a moment to comprehend what she was seeing, her roommate, Nick sitting underneath her putting a condom over his more than ample erection because he was about to have sex with her. They were about to have sex, Nick and Jess. She felt like she wanted to scream or laugh or cry she wasn't sure. Condom in place he reached up her thighs to pull at her underwear, she raised up allowing him to pull them down to her knees. She took over after that pulling them awkwardly down her calves, adopting a side to side shuffle motion that made them both giggle. Suddenly there they were, the moment was upon them, it was time and they both knew it. She kissed him tenderly, a stark contract to all their other kisses during the evening. It was light and soft and full of the emotion of the moment. She rested her hand on Nick's shoulder raising up and grabbing hold of him with her other hand guiding him towards her, she rubbed him against her gently and them sunk down on to him as far as her body would allow her. She rested her head against his shoulder as she took a moment to allow herself to adjust which Nick was more than grateful for. They both needed a minute to absorb what was happening between them, the intensity was something they hadn't quite prepared for and neither were sure how to control it so after a moment they decided to go with it. Jess pushed back to look at him, both of them conveying with their eyes exactly what they were feeling, then she rose up creating that wonderful friction they both needed.

They found their rhythm instantly which neither of them were surprised about. Their bodies slid expertly against each other as they both started to sweat from their exertions, the car was filled with the sounds of sex, their lips smacking, skin on skin, their arousal very apparent as they moved against each other. It had to be like this, they both knew that now, they had wanted each other so much for so long and it had taken them so long to get here that it had to be like this. Jess bounced and rocked against him desperately, clinging and clawing at his hair and shoulders, Nick pounded up into her with everything that he had making her scream his name over and over. They both forced their eyes open to look at each other, their faces centimetres away from each other, the power of how they were both feeling physically and emotionally was almost too much for them both to bear. Nick kissed Jess reverently, contrasting heavily with what their lower bodies were doing and as Jess pulled back he could see that she couldn't hold on for much longer. He lowered one hand from her face to rub at her nipple while the other gripped at her hip as they continued their assault. As she rocked against him her movements became erratic and staggered, her whimpering became constant, feeling her losing control Nick grasped both her hips and pumped up into her hard and fast while she held on to him. Keeping her hips still with trembling thighs, he took the lead, driving her crazy. Soon she was falling over the edge, screaming his name as he pulsed into her, she had never come that hard in her life, she felt like her body may never recover. Watching her orgasm and watching himself pushing up into her was enough to bring him with her - hard. He growled her name into her neck as his movements continued trying to draw the pleasure out for both of them.

Jess slumped heavily against his shoulder while his face was buried in her neck, they stayed connected as they both recovered and slowly came back to earth. Nick rubbed a hand against her bare back as his other hand caressed her thigh tenderly. She placed small kisses on his shoulder in between her heavy breaths, enjoying the salty taste of his skin, while her hand raked gently through his hair, feeling the sweat that had gathered at his temples during their lovemaking. Nick's head was spinning, he had no idea what to say. The moment was so perfect as it was that words felt surplus to requirements, but he tried anyway.

"Well that was really fun"

She laughed heartily into his neck, her body shaking with giggles and his world felt amazing.


	21. Chapter 21

As the cramp started to settle into their legs Jess slid her arms back into her dress not bothering with her bra and reached down by her side to pull the door handle, letting a stream of cool air rush into the somewhat overheated car. Swinging her leg over him she put her feet flat on the ground, standing up to stretch her legs, noticing how much they had turned to jelly in the afterglow of her escapades. She reached back down to the front of the seat to retrieve her underwear giving Nick a shy smile as he raised his butt off the seat to rearrange himself and fasten up his jeans, disposing of the condom subtly. Doing a quick check that there was definitely nobody around Jess stepped into the legs of her underwear and pulled them up swiftly without raising her dress up too much. Back fully upright she felt Nick behind her, his breath warm and tingling on her oversensitized skin, he swept her hair to one side over her shoulder and gently pulled the zipper back up on her dress. As he placed a quick kiss to the bare skin at the top of her neck she turned to him, all the boldness and confidence she had felt when they were making love was fading and suddenly she felt shy again. Had she been too forward with him? Is it ok that they just had sex for the first time in her car because they couldn't wait?

She bowed her head tucking her hair behind her ear, avoiding his gaze. Nick knew it wasn't regret or remorse he could see in her eyes, it was fear, that wonderful, exhilarating kind of fear when your heart is laid bare and there is nowhere left to hide. He knew that's what he could see because it was exactly what he was feeling. So they had two choices, they could chalk it up to unresolved sexual tension and high emotions and go their separate ways, or they could dive in head first. There was no doubt in Nick's mind, he placed his index finger under her chin and softly pulled her head up, her eyes now meeting his. Moving his hand round to thread into her hair he kissed her gently but with just as much passion, she responded, kissing him back with just as much fervour. He turned her so she was pressed with her back against the side of the car, his hands moving down to grip her hips while she curled her fingers round the back of his neck, scratching softly at the short hairs there, she raised high up on her tip toes so their mouths were level. Bringing themselves to the point of breathlessness once again they broke apart, their foreheads resting together, Nick stroked the back of his hand down her face as she took a little longer than him to open her eyes.

"You ok?" He whispered, his breath blowing softly against her face as their foreheads remained pressed together until Jess pulled back to speak.

"Yeah...better than ok"

"Jess that was incredible, I mean it was just..."

"I know"

They both laughed at their inability to speak coherently about what they had just shared.

"I've wanted this for so long"

"Me too"

"I don't know why it took me so long to admit it to myself...I just didn't want to lose you Jess"

"You could never lose me Nick, I know things have been hard between us but you'd never lose me"

Nick smiled at warmly, those words comforted him more than she would ever know, as long as he knew that nothing could hold him back now.

"Jess I need you to know _that _wasn't all this was about for me..." He gestured to the front seat of the car, a myriad of images immediately flooding back to both of them making Jess' cheeks redden a little.

"...what I mean is, I want more, I want this to be something"

"So do I Nick"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...of course I do dummy. You think I was just using you for your hot body?"

Nick smiled wider than she had ever seen, this whole new side to him was already opening up to her and they had only been together for thirty minutes.

"You think my body's hot?"

"Shut up" she hit him in the chest playfully as they both laughed, more and more at ease with their newfound arrangement by the second.

"You wanna take a walk on the beach?"

"Yeah, except I'm not sure my legs are in full working order yet"

"I can help with that"

Before she had time to object Nick bent his knees until his head was level with her waist, wrapping an arm around her thighs he hoisted her up suddenly throwing her over his shoulder. Jess yelped and batted her hands softly against his back, her giggling made her protests a little hard for Nick to take seriously, he simply laughed and ignored her as he walked them down to the beach, placing her back on her feet when he decided he needed to kiss her again.

* * *

An hour later they found themselves back in Jess'' car, Nick stretched his arm behind her as she drove, his hand playing lazily with her hair, unable to stop touching her now that he knew he could, that she wanted him to. The drive was silent as they reflected on the evening and enjoyed simply being with one another after months of awkwardness and obstacles. As Jess reached a fork in the road leading to the loft and Dirk's apartment she pulled the car over to Nick's surprise. Jess turned the engine off and turned to Nick reaching for his hand.

"Nick you know I want this more than anything but things are still going to be weird with everything that happened tonight, especially between me and Michael"

"Yeah I know"

"Michael is a good guy, he's been a good friend to me and I'd like to keep it that away if it's possible but it's going to take a lot of work on my part. I don't want to make him uncomfortable in his own home so I guess what am trying to say is..."

"I'm on my own tonight right?" Nick tried hard to hide the disappointment in his face but deep down he new it made sense, he just wasn't ready to let her go yet.

"I want to spend the night with you Nick, so badly, but I don't even know what I'm going back to. Adam might still be there for all I know and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I understand Jess I do"

"I'm sorry"

Nick reached for her face caressing her cheek with his thumb trying to ease the worry out of her face.

"Hey Jess it's ok, we'll let all of this cool down for a few days and then we can see what happens... we can always head back to the beach if it all gets too much." He offered her a sly wink to ease her mood and leaned over to peck her on the mouth. "I just wish you'd told me earlier and I would have squeezed in another round in the sand dunes before we left"

"Nick!" she pushed him away jokingly, his mischievous laugh making her whole face light up in a smile.

* * *

Jess was relieved to come home to a quiet apartment, by the half-assed attempt to clean up she figured the guys tired themselves out and went to bed. She knew she was going to have to deal with a lot of questions tomorrow and she was already exhausted at the thought of it. She quickly changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth trying hard not to make too much noise, she tip toed back to her bedroom, flopping heavily on to her bed and bringing the covers tight up around her. She was tired but there was no way she would be able to stop thinking about what happened between her and Nick, it flashed through her mind like a looping video tape. She brought her hand up to her forehead letting out a little laugh of surprise and disbelief that it had really happened, she bit on her lower lip trying to contain the smile that played across her lips. It had been the most phenomenal night of her entire life. Her body was still humming from his touch from the feeling of him being inside her, she had never felt anything like it. She wanted so badly to have him there with her now but if their last performance was anything to go by they would have woken up the whole loft for sure.

As she finally allowed her eyes to close and attempt some sleep her phone buzzed next to her head, a smile spreading across her mouth, knowing it was him.

_'I can't sleep. This was the most amazing night of my life Jess'_

Jolts of excitement and energy shot through her body from her heart right down to the tips of her toes, she didn't think it was possible to feel this happy. She sat up quickly as the exhilaration woke her sleepy limbs, pressing her back against her soft pillows she started to type.

_'I wish you were here right now'_

* * *

Nick lay back on the sofa with his head resting on the arm that was bent up behind him, he finally stopped checking his phone when he figured Jess had fallen asleep and reluctantly put it back on the coffee table as he continued to lie awake staring at the ceiling. His body was still on fire, his face still fixed in an expression somewhere between elation and utter shock. She was becoming like an addiction now, he could already feel it coursing through his veins, he didn't think he would ever be able to get enough of her, her beautiful face, her amazing body, her perfect soul. He closed his eyes but sleep wouldn't come, he was on too much of a high, he imagined this was how Jess felt on Christmas Eve, then he thought of her in her Rudolph pajamas making him smile.

He wouldn't screw this up, this is the one thing that would make him a success - her. He would do whatever it took to make this work, give her whatever she wanted, they couldn't go back now, he was in far too deep. Nick sighed a long, content sigh as his mouth still curled up into a permanent smile, he allowed his eyes to drift shut once again, willing his limbs to relax when he heard a small tapping.

"Dirk...Dirk?" He was met with silence and rolled over thinking he had imagined it.

Then he heard it again and realised there was someone knocking quietly at the door. He suspected it was one of Dirk's 'student friends' however they were usually far less subtle than this. He heard the tapping again but Dirk had fallen into a whiskey coma and clearly showed no sign of moving so Nick threw back his tattered old blanket, swinging his legs to the floor and padded over to the door, his stern face ready to scowl at the offending twenty something. As he opened the door his face relaxed into a huge smile.

"Jess!" he whispered excitedly. "What are you doing here?"

He could help but notice her pajama bottoms sticking out the bottom of her coat and it made him chuckle, he suspected this wasn't a planned out visit. He grabbed both her hands pulling her into the apartment and into his arms.

"I couldn't sleep, I realised I forgot to tell you something"

"What?"

"I'm in love with you too"


	22. Chapter 22

**(Epilogue...kind of)**

_Two months later..._

As Winston's eyes finally drifted closed Nick grabbed his jacket from the end of the hospital bed and hurried back to the hotel. The room that had been filled with people just two hours ago was empty, chairs pushed to the side and lights switched off, there was no sign of Jess or Cece anywhere. Those guests who hadn't left had filtered through to the bar where Nick now stood with his eyes searching for either the bright blue of her sari or her eyes, he would see either a mile off. After a knock and a risky head poke into the ladies bathroom he gave up, running back outside the main doors to see if her car was still there. That's when he spotted her, he stopped just outside the door watching as she put a weary looking Cece into a cab. As she waved off her friend her shoulders slumped and it made his heart ache a little.

He was over to her in a matter of seconds, she felt his strong arms wrap tight around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. She placed one hand over his, the other reaching behind blindly to thread into his hair, he turned his head into the crook of her neck, kissing her tenderly and calmly breathing in her comforting scent. As he began to speak his voice was low and soft in her ear, it always made her skin tingle.

"You ok?"

"I don't know...I guess"

"How's Cece doing?"

"She said she wanted to be by herself for a while... I feel so useless Nick, I just want to be there for her"

"You are Jess, she probably just needs a breather for a couple of hours, it's been a heavy day"

"Yeah I guess you're right...how's Winston?"

""He's doin ok, I don't think Bucky did too much damage, he passed out just before I left"

Jess turned in his arms raising her hands up to stroke them lazily through the sides of his hair, as they finally locked eyes they both let out a breathy laugh at how crazy their day had been, relieved to be in the comfort of each other at the end of it.

"Hi" she smiled

"Hi" he squeezed her waist bringing her just that little bit closer to him.

"I feel like I haven't seen you all day"

"Mmmm I missed you"

He leaned forward nudging her nose with his own, stealing a quick kiss, he still couldn't believe that for the longest time he wasn't allowed to do this and now he did it every chance he got.

"Jess I know you didn't exactly get the chance to do all the fun bridesmaid stuff today but you look so beautiful"

She smiled that smile of hers that he loved, the one that was just for him. She really was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, he was a little diappointed he didn't get to have her on his arm at the reception, he was so damn proud to be with her he wanted everyone to know it. Jess curled her fingers round the back of his neck, idly tracing slow circles with her fingers, they were both swaying ever so slightly in each others arms without realising.

"Did you talk to Schmidt"

"No, I called him but he didn't pick up"

"God I can't believe it Nick...do think if Schmidt hadn't been here it would have made a difference? Do you think she would have gone through with it"

"I dunno it's hard to say...maybe"

"He wasn't even gonna come...if he hadn't maybe Cece would be married and we'd be eating cake right now"

"I'm not so sure"

"How do you know...people can just sleepwalk into the wrong decision if they don't see what's in front of them. I mean maybe if you and I had never kissed that night you would be married to Caroline right now...who knows"

He laughed at the absurdity of it all before he noticed her face was completely serious.

"That never would have happened Jess"

"How do you know? The smallest, most trival decisions that mean nothing to you at the time can set your life on a completely different course. You could end up in a totally different place to where you thought you would."

"Or ...maybe no matter how you get there or what choices you make you always end up in the same place, because that always where you were meant to be. With the person you're meant to be there with"

Jess was quiet, smiling as she contemplated the gravity of what he said, she wasn't inclined to argue with it.

"Hey give me the keys"

"Where are we going?" She asked in surprise.

"I don't know...anywhere...let's just drive somewhere and disappear for a few days...you in?"

"Hell yeah. I'm all in"

She handed him the keys, biting her lip with a wry smile. He kissed her quickly before they both ran toward the car giggling like teenagers.

_The End_

**Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this, you have no idea how much your comments spurred me on to keep writing it. You guys really are so kind and you don't have to be - but you are. You're all wonderful. Thanks again!**


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